I Am Death

Chapter 8: Why?

I leave the house and walk onto Peter's fields. He's waiting there amidst the wheat growing around for me. I walk up to him. "We have to collect the apples from the trees behind the cottage. I'll stand with a basket on the ground, you climb the trees and break the apples. We need to look as if we're doing something if we want to talk without my dear wife noticing." he says while pointing at the trees that grow in clusters behind his home. He picks up a basket that I hadn't seen kept behind him and starts walking towards the apple trees. I follow him.

I reach the tree and leap up to grab a natural foothold in the trunk of one of the trees. I start climbing slowly and onto the stronger branches, checking each branch if it supports my weight by my foot. I climb onto one of the branches and start plucking some apples. After I get a handful, I start dropping them down one by one. Peter catches them in his basket. "So, I need to know, why did you exactly kill Keith?" he asks.

"I told you, I couldn't control myself once I was near him." I answer while collecting and dropping apples.

"But you're no bloodthirsty murderer right now."

"I feel like my father's killer is in my blood. The Wolf, he's a part of me. His sins are carried through me. When I killed Keith, I was not Damian anymore, I was the Wolf." I tell him.

I jump down from that tree, it's fruits have been collected, I move on to the next tree and repeat the process. Peter is deep in thought as he collects the dropped apples in his basket absent-mindedly. After a few minutes, he asks me,"Have you ever thought about letting the Wolf loose? Using it for your needs?"

"No, the Wolf is a bloodthirsty demon. He cannot be controlled. He's reckless and he kills for sport. I'm never using him, it is far too dangerous." I say in a voice that is surprisingly bitter to my own ears.

Peter is deep in thought again. Suddenly, he says,"Come down for a moment, Damian, I need your help."
I jump down from the tree branch. "But all the apples haven't been collected from this tree." I tell him.

"That is nothing more than a mild inconvenience. Come, follow me." he beckons. I follow him to the shed between the cottage and the trees. He picks up a small wooden table and tells me to pick an axe lying in the corner of the shed. What is he going to make me do? Cut the table?

He takes me out to where some pieces of lumber are kept near the east wall of the house. He puts down the table and chooses a rather big piece of wood and with some difficulty places it on the small table. "Now listen, I need this piece of log cut into smaller pieces. I want you to do this in one move. But, you have to make extra care not to harm the table." he tells me.

I take off my shirt, it's going to be very uncomfortable in a cotton shirt I'd he's going to make me hack at logs all day.

I hold the axe high above my head and bring it down, a little slowly, I don't want to harm the table since Peter specifically told me to make sure I don't. As the axe hits the wood piece, it makes just a slight scratch. Peter, visibly annoyed at this exclaims, "Bah! You'll take forever! I don't care about the table, just cut the wood." I'm little surprised at Peter's sudden change in behavior,but,i comply.
I hold the axe ready above my head once again and bring it down with considerably more force, but I still don't bring it down with the power that I'm fully capable of. Even if he told me he doesn't care about the table, I'd rather not harm it unnecessarily since he was explicit in telling me to take care of the small object the first time.
The increased force makes the axe slice through the wood like butter.

"Hm, did the axe harm the table?" Peter asks.

I check and report, "No, it didn't."

"Do you understand, now?"

I don't. I have no idea what he's saying.

My face must give away my confusion for he tells me, "When I told you to protect the table, you were too worried about the table. So much that you didn't hit it with enough force. But as soon as I told you the table doesn't matter, you cleaved right through it without damaging the table by using your swing near to its full capacity but also controlling it to avoid damaging the table. You controlled it and it got you what you wanted."

I slowly realize what he means.

He continues,"The same way, you don't have to completely let go, you have to control the Wolf. Let him operate using you, but on your terms."

I understand what he means. What I don't understand is, why would the Wolf listen to me?

*********

The sun is setting as I go to my new room for a nap. I have to leave near midnight for a conversation with the head priest. I need to sleep.

I dream of being with you. We are in the meadows, under a starry sky. We lie there on the grass, hand in hand.

I turn my head towards you, taking in everything about you that has only become more beautiful since we have been separated. Your beautiful face, you auburn hair, your fair skin... I'm thankful for you. "Thanks for being by my side, these moments are the light of my life." I tell you.

You turn your head to look at me and reply, "Hey, when the lights go out, you still got me." You have that cute smile on your face.

You then move in closer and place your head against my chest and tell me, "I love you."

I wake up in the middle of the night at Peter's house asking, "Why?"