Destined // zjm

Prologue

20th November, 2013

Dear Vanessa,

                         It's been four years today. Four years since you're gone and it still feels like yesterday when you were saying while holding my hand that everything has a reason and whatever happens, happens for good. That the stars had a reason to bring us together and that we were meant to be. I believed in everything you said that time, not because I wanted to but because I believed in you, I believed in us. But you lied, Van. We weren't meant to be, if we did then we should be together, right? The stars had brought us together only to separate us from each other and the reason, it never existed. The separation has created a hollow in my heart and the guilt of me being the reason behind it still lingers in the pit of my stomach. Nothing feels right without you being here.

                      The cold grip of fear of losing you had always clenched around my heart and I did lose you in the most heart rending ways and with you it feels like four years ago, I lost myself, too. Your presence still lingers here I still feel you around me, but when I reach out for you, to feel your hand on mine as it slowly grazes my knuckles, the reality hits me and I realize that you're gone. And with yourself, you took a part of me with you. I'm used to this feeling now, and I don't know how to quell this pain but my heart still craves for you in ways that many don't know exist, but that's what keeps me sane and breathing. 

                           Everything around me seems to be dull and gray, the people are so indifferent. And in the midst of everything, all I want is you. I could trade anything to get you back, Vanessa. Anything. And as you had said that there's a reason behind everything then I'd say that you're the reason behind everything I have been.

                          You were the only reason and the only positivity in my life. And sometimes I smile to myself and think that I'm so lucky that I had a chance to love someone like you, Vanessa. You were the sunshine in my dark days, the remedy to any sickness. You were my support whenever I felt weak, you made me who I am. Spending my time with you had taught me what I had been missing out on life. You made me complete. And I craved for you, in every way possible. I craved for your love, your innocence, your chastity and everything that you were made of. And I still do, there's just one difference now, that even after all the craving, I can't even get close to any part of you.

                       Even though I already know that these letters will go unanswered like all the others but I wish that some miracle would take place and our ways will coincide and this time I promise, Vanessa that I'd never let you go. Never.

I love you to the stars and above.

With Love,

Your Zayn.

-

Under the surface of every syllable bubbled longing and pain. My fingertips slowly grazed the neatly written words in complete cursive as I felt the corner of my eyes moisten, a bit.

Taking a deep intake of breath, I reread the words, feeling a lump in my throat.

This came from a man completely broken and lost, smothered in darkness, trying to find something to cling on - and not the Zayn Malik I know.

He had been hiding his heart away the whole time, faking who he is and building up walls around him. But somewhere the real Zayn still existed in him, suppressed by his fears and insecurities and I'm determined to let him out.

But before that, there's one thing I need to know: who is Vanessa and where is she now?

~*~