my story

I

Hi random person that happens to be reading this!
I hope you're having a great day/night.

Have Hope.

Recently, I haven't been too good. A few weeks ago I was really struggling. I was so stressed and depressed and anxious all the time. It felt like there were a million bees in my chest and mind, stinging me and buzzing around. It was horrible.
There are many reasons I felt like that:

- I had so many exams and assessments

- I was in multiple bands, all performing
very soon and I still couldn't play my part right

- I was put in an extension math class (you may think that is a good thing but I was only in it because I got good grades on exams that I studied for. I suck at maths and they expect so much from me)
- My mind kept telling me stupid things like no one likes you  and you're stupid and so ugly and worthless. And I believe it.

I couldn't deal with the pressure, so I started cutting to release it. I first started with a sharp pencil, just rubbing it against my skin until it formed a cut and became infected. I still wasn't satisfied, so I found a small blade (and won't say where from because I don't want to help people to self harm) and started cutting my wrist. They were small cuts, and there were few. I tried to keep them very confined, so that I could cover them with my watch. I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing. I couldn't bear the thought of someone finding out.
About a week later, my best friend saw my cuts and asked me about it. Of course I wasn't prepared and didn't know what to say, so I just said nothing. She didn't believe me, so she grabbed my arm when I wasn't expecting it and ripped off my watch. Her reaction made me feel awful. She gasped and dropped my arm. Now, she had always been pretty tough, not one to cry or get really upset, but she let go of a couple of tears. She kind of just looked at me, but not in the eye. Then she kept quiet for the rest of the day. I wish she never found out.