This is My Love

Beautiful Gray

Footsteps soft. A beautiful, smiling face stared back at her. Another reflection of her own melted with the face on the other side of the glass. A portrait of a young woman that existed long ago. In flesh and blood.

The memory was still so clear.

Sullen, she decided to place the baby breaths she'd come with on the ground below where the ashes of the woman rested.

"These are her favorite flowers." He had told her a while back as they reminisced his painful memories. Some place she probably did not and should not probe as much as she was curious.

Pain was something she understood well. It was a ground to be untouched.

Namjoo could understand, but her heart often betrayed her conscience. Though it felt this woman's husband had given her permission she truly understood that she was still in the gray.

Oh Sehun did not belong to her.

He wouldn't belong to her.

Namjoo stared back at the beautiful woman that had left the world of existence a bit too early. An accident that left her in a coma and then death. All without a goodbye to her tiny family. Namjoo knew this because Sehun had told her when he was drunk. Otherwise, it was also something in the gray that was his knowledge alone. Not hers to learn.

A tug on her sleeve made her look down into a pair of big brown eyes. Inherited from her.

"Mommy." Kim Moowon, four years old. Her son from a previous marriage. His shapely black hair slipped disobediently over his forehead nearly covering his eyes. She had thought to get his hair cut recently, but the plan had slipped her mind.

"Are you done?" he wondered. "I'm bored."

Touching his silky hair, she smiled. She had gone over a mountain for him. Battled hills, crossed rivers, had gotten scarred by rose thorns in order to make sure he had a roof over his head. This fall he would be going to pre-school. Namjoo couldn't help being nostalgic and sad sending him off.

Kim Moowon was growing up. He was sleeping in his own room. Was developing his own interests in arts and trucks. Had decided his favorite color was red. A little girl from the daycare had a crush on him. He'd come home asking her what a crush was.

"Ok," Namjoo said taking his hand, "lets go." As they turned to head out of the columbarium, Namjoo glanced back at the smiling woman once more.

◊◊◊◊◊

The day was beautiful as a summer day should be. The sun shone. Birds soared through the blue sky. Skin burned. People sweated. Her son's voice ricocheted throughout the car as he sang along to the children's song vibrating through the car stereo.

Namjoo's heart fluttered as she glanced at him through the rearview mirror. Unable to fathom the thought that he was hers. Also, because she'd finally arrived at the park where she would be seeing him soon. And that child who held a special spot in her heart.

The grounds flourished with families of all sorts. Couples. Friends. Individuals out for a jog. Bikers and tourists from all over. It was high in the afternoon. The hottest time of the day. Not inside but outside where everyone wanted to make the most of their day. The weathercaster had predicted rain that weekend.

"Are we there yet?" Moowon called out just as she pulled into an empty parking space.

"Wait for me," Namjoo called as he quickly undid his seatbelt, anxious for his play date.

The back door already opened and closed before she even pulled off her seatbelt. Moowon was patiently waiting for her by the curb.

"Come on, mom!" he urged.