Safe

A shy, nervous boy was walking home from school on cloudy afternoon when he happened to notice a couple of boys a few years older than himself. They seemed happily lost in their own world while sitting on a bench along the otherwise abandoned path the boy was walking. As he came closer to them, the boy started to watch them as they held each other. They were whispering to each other little words only they could hear, kissing while fingers loving caressed cheeks or down arms to lace together with their match.

Watching them, the boy started feeling a kind of nervous excitement. As he walked passed them, he made sure his hood was firmly pulled up and his eyes were planted on his shoes. But he still overheard the almost silent "I love you" that was filled with so much emotion. The boy could sense the lovers had a long story, one of love and devotion in the face of heartache and hatred.

As he continued his walk home, he started feeling a slight confusion settle in his mind. "What does that mean? Why do I feel this way? Like, suddenly I fit? Like, suddenly these thoughts and feelings are....ok? What about what Father and Mother have always said? What about what the pastor has says? Isn't it a bad thing? Shouldn't it be hidden?" He had already realized that he had no attraction to the pretty girls at school or church. When his parents would introduce a new girl to him, he would catch himself admiring her dress or the color of her bows. But the reactions he knew his parents expected from him never came, that is when he was with the girls. If anything he envied the colors and make up they wore, but there was no way he was going mention that to his parents.

As a result, the boy would normally make sure that he kept out of the way at home. Early on, he became aware that his parents only tolerated him. When his sister was born, things got even worse. He was often "forgotten" and left behind. Whether it be at school, like today. The church, like the last 3 weeks. Or the store, that one hadn't happened in a while until last week. Luckily a nice older couple found him walking after dark and offered him a ride home. It didn't matter.

One day, after walking several miles home from the store, again, he finally pushed through the door feeling hungry and thirsty, as well as cold and scared. It had gotten dark on the way home. As he removed his shoes and was thinking about what he could eat that would be quickest to grab and retreat to his room for the night, he overheard his mother telling her friend, "You know, we never really wanted a son in the first place. But, now that he is getting older, we are noticing some things about him that concern us. We aren't sure, but we think....he might be....." he had to creep closer to the doorway and strain to hear her next few words as she whispered "the G-word". A loud gasp was heard from the woman his mother was talking to, followed by a scandalized "No! Why would you think that?" "Because of the way he dresses." The boy looked down at his outfit, nothing special today. A pair of skinny jeans, a cute V-neck and his favorite pink suspenders. He looked back at the doorway as his mother's voice continues, "Its in the way he walks and moves, but the biggest think is how we've noticed he looks towards other boys. He never looks at the girls we introduce to him like that. It is a disgrace!"

The boy immediately lost his appetite, but the worst thing was what he caught as he turned away. "What are you going to do?" The concerned friend said, obviously trying to comfort his mother. "My husband spoke with our pastor. He recommended a treatment called 'Pray and Beat It Out'. We have to be firm with him, pray that God will save him from this curse, and beat him regularly. We have to get the demon out of him. And if he gets worse, there is a church camp we can send him to. They tend to be very heavy handed, apparently, but we CANNOT have a GAY son. Just the fact that he is our son is bad enough. But he isn't quite 18, so we are stuck with him."

The boy was heartbroken. He was afraid and confused, hurt and sad. He knew his parents felt the way they did towards him, but he never realized to what extent and this thing about his sexual orientation? He had never confirmed it out loud even when he was alone in his room. He tried so very hard to not "act gay" in public or around his parents, apparently he was not convincing enough.