having a teacher you can count on

a conversation between me and a teacher

Hey so I’m going to tell you a story of the time I told someone my feelings. This person had been there when I told her everything about this one teacher. This will be like a conversation between me and my teacher. Here goes nothing. P.S this is from January 29, 2018
Me: hey I was wondering if you will be at school tomorrow
J: I wasn’t but I am now
Me: Ooh OK cuz I need to talk to you about something that happened today
J: Do you want to talk now?
Me: Sure...everyone know ...so today during 6th I went to talk to MS Santos...because honestly everyone been telling me to tell Santos how I feel about her and if I don't they will so I told her and now I hate myself for telling her and yet she brought up the hole teacher student thing and as she was talking she’s was saying that She’s was like your not going to quite the hiking club ....and now she’s feel like she cant trust me to be alone with until we could figerout what my feeling toured her .... And now the VP  think it would be safe if I stay always from her for a wile but I could still do the hiking club and stuff
J: Awwww baby. Good for you. Its OK to have feelings for her. She could lose her career if anything funny was said. The more you are around her, the more your feelings will grow. It is best for the both of you to keep your distance. I'm sorry...😢
Me: Ik 😭...but I feel like it would been better if I haven't told  her and everything will still be the same😭😭💔
J: Lesson learned sweety. You are almost an adult and you made an adult decision. It is a part of life. Maybe next time you will do things differently. I am so sorry sweety.
Me: Ik but now I feel so stupid for telling her....I wish MS graza was still here 😭
J: Awwww....you should never feel stupid for how you feel. You are always entitled to feel any way you want. You will slowly feel better. 🤓
Me: No I won't😭😭 I don't think I will ever feel the same.
J: Oh sweety. I PROMISE. I have been there...
Me: Ik but for me it's different..cuz every time I have to have a small stupid crush on a female teacher....and normally I won't tell them how I feel about them and I still get to live my life being happy and still seeing that teacher I have a crush on without them know... It's like what Santos told me if I miss with a skunk I'm going to get sprayed by it ... And I think that's exactly what I did I miss with the skunk and I got myself sprayed...😭😭💔💔💔
J: Ohhhh sweety. Thks too shall pass. 🤗
Me: Why dose haveing feeling for someone has to hurt like hell
J: Because we are humans. It won't hurt when you find the right one.
Me: Maybe I could grow old and be the crazy cat lady ...trust me every teacher that I had a crush on it hurt me.
It was the next day I really wanted to see santos but at that moment I knew she didn’t wanted to see me..
Me: So today when I came in after school and you asked what I was doing her and I was like I just wanted to hang out and well the real reason is because normally I'll be with ms Santos and I kinda miss her.
J: I bet. I am sorry. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. You can come anytime. Aww...love is good. 🤗
Me: Aww thanks and ik but honestly there nothing really to say...besides having ms Russell read my apology litter that I wrote for her and if shes think its OK and fine to give it to her then I'm going to try and be brave and walk in tomorrow during the meeting and give santos the litter and tell my friend i cant do this right now after i spent 4 hours crying last night but I'm going to walk out and go straight up to ms mhel class and her club for her club tomorrow.
J: Girl. You got this. Taking the first step is always the hardest.
Me: Idk ms Jackson this is killing me.
J: Honey. I get it. My heart was broken in September by the first man I have loved since my son's father. I STILL cry to this day! It gets easier ...just takes time. 😉
Me: Idk anymore cuz it's like everyone who I love either dies ...don't feel the same...or take it the wrong way....I feel like love hates me for some reason cuz I feel like no one ever loves me
J: I love you. ☺You have an amazing heart and you are young. When the Lord knows you are ready, he will send you a good person.
Me: Aww thanks I know your just saying that to make me feel better...and I hope so.
J: No I am not. I really enjoy you. I am hard on you but I do care for you. 😊
Me: Aww thanks🤗 honestly I have these feeling that I can't explain toured ms Santos deep down idk how  to feel cuz rni just feel is hopeless and broken inside....and everyday on the radio they will play a lot of sad and love songs where I  feel like crying.
J: I know honey. There is a song right now that talks about falling hard, down to his core, taking shot like novicane. OMG. I cry so hard when I hear it. Crying is part of healing...😢
Me: I really don't know what to feel anymore 😭💔.
J: I'm so sorry...
Me: Its fine and that's song is called
I FALL APART.. Oooh, I fall apart
Oooh, yeah, mmhmm
She told me that I'm not enough, yeah
And she left me with a broken heart, yeah
She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah
She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah
Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah
And now I'm takin' these shots like it's Novocaine, yeah
Oooh, I fall apart
Down to my core
Oooh, I fall apart
Down to my core
Oooh, didn't know it before
Surprised when you caughtme off guard
All this damn jewelry I bought
You was my shorty, I thought
Never caught a feelin' this hard
Harder than the liquor I pour
Tell me you don't want me no more
But I can't let go
Everybody told me, so
Feelin' like I sold my soul
Devil in the form of a whore
Devil in the form of a whore
You said it No, you said it
No, you said it
We'd be together
Oooh, I fall apart
Down to my core
Oooh, I fall apartDown to my core
Oooh, didn't know it before
Surprised when you caught me off guard
All this damn jewelry I bought
You was my shorty, I thought
Ice keep pourin' and the drink keep flowin'
Try to brush it off, but it keep on goin'
Covered in scars and I can't help showin'
Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin'
Ice keep droppin' and the drink keep flowin'
Try to brush it off, but it keep on goin'
All these scars, can't help from showin'Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin', yeah
Oooh, I fall apart
Down to my core
Oooh, I fall apart
Down to my core
Oooh, didn't know it before
Surprised when you caught me off guard
All this damn jewelry I bought
You was my shorty, I thought
J: I love that song!
Me: me too
J: Why did you write an apology letter? Was that your idea?
Me: Yeah it was my idea I felt like she took it in a wrong way when I told her Would you like to read it.
J: Awwww...yes I would. Tomorrow? Going to sleep.
Me: OK lol guess its too early for me but could do goodnight
J: Goodnight sweetheart.
So this is the apology litter I wrote… Mrs. Santos

Monday, the way you may have felt when you read my letter wasn't the true way of how I felt.  But after me crying for about 4 hours I finally figured what my feelings are towards you.  It isn't feelings in a relationship type of way, it's more of having high respect for you and your way of being able to help me be happy and to get me through the day. I see you as more of a parent figure in my life than anything else.  How I told you of my feelings for you was wrong and stupid and I'm sorry.    I see you as a second mom for me.  I look up to you as a role model because you are loving and kind and always there for me when I need someone to talk too.  You always have a great smile to make my day feel happier which makes me feel better about myself.  Honestly you are a good person and an inspiration to others. I am sorry that I was not able to voice my feelings correctly about you.  I never want to make you worry about what I said, and how I feel for you. 
Thank you for always being there for me.  You are a great teacher, mentor and a 2nd mom
#teacher