Stories from my butthole

I may or may not die because I didn't eat enough m&m's.

WAARNINNG: I haven't seen my therapist in a month so this is gonna be weird. Proceed with caution and cats. 😺

So... Ive been reading some fan fic (mainly fear will lose look it up) and anxiety books and I just realized that  something. Let me give you some background.

Ever since I was six or seven I always had this voice in the back of my head telling me what to do and if I didnt do it something wrong will happen, like my head would be like, If you don't eat that blue m&m first you will never meet Justin beiber. And then I would be like, oh shit I better eat this blue m&m first. And its been like that for 6-7 years now. I asked my mom about it but she said it was superstition and that its normal and happens to every one. I know I didnt explain it well but I was like, ok everyone deals with this I'm fine. But as I'm growing up and maturing amd have more responsibility, its gotten worse and worse. One time the voice told me, If you dont cut your self with that your parents don't actually love you. (Pic above) And I did, I made it seem like and accident climbing up a mountain (which I did) I pretended that I scratches my self on a tree by accident. But anyways, 3 months ago I read Fear Will Lose and I was like Damn why do I kind of relate to that voice telling tyler what to do say and making things impossible. I kinda shrugged it off until I just got this book called I Really Didn't Think This Through. The person who wrote it talked about mental health and what-not. She started talking about OCD. She was talking about how a voice would set ruled and rituals and if you didn't do what it said something bad would happen and it'll be your fault. Then I was like, o h. So, now I'm pretty sure I may have OCD but I can't talk to my theripast about it right now bc im in C O L O R A D O. I'm gonna go jump in a hole. (Sidenote: I've been reading joey graceffa's books, children of eden, and my brain is exploding.)

~Bee 🐝