The Future is Nigh (TWD Fanfiction)

06- Dreams and first meal served

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After a while I slide my hand back from under Carl's, back into my own territory. His warmth is gone but the image is stuck in the back of my head. His hand over mine as his thumb rubbed along the back of hand...

My eyes fall closed as Carl hums to himself, a song I have never heard of. hm hmmm hmm hmmm, something like that.

'Andee?' the voice cries out and I walk in the same direction as always. I am stood in the forest, far out in the centre where the trees are large above. The light shines through the trees, the heat warming me only for milliseconds until I am back in the shade of the wood.

Once I come to the small patch of flat ground, where Charlie is, the grass is sprayed blood red. The hand prints I can see dragging out towards his limp body, small and fragile.

I step forward, walking towards Charlie lying on the ground. He never liked the name but I do.I do. I love his name. He does not know I chose it for him when he was born. Mother was past out, soon to be dead from child birth.

When the apocalypse began he was only seven. I barely knew what was happening and I was eight, he did not have a chance...

Charlie looks up to me from the ground, his eyes closing slowly.. He tries to open them when I lay down beside him, resting his head on my thighs. 

He has not aged with me in these dreams... nightmares. Charlie is still nine. Now I am twenty.

'Heya.' I whisper and he clutches on to me harder than ever before.

'I don't want to do this anymore.' he whimpers and the blood is draining itself from my face. His voice sounds so far away.

I pull at Charlies cheeks, forcing his eyes to open again. His face is blotchy, his cheeks smudged with tears and snot. He sniffs again and again but it is no use. I reach up my jumper sleeve and rub under his nose clean.

Charlie blinks and a single tear sits on his eye lid. I lift my thumb and rub it away. 'Not yet...' I mumble, my own voice quivering. He again wraps his arms around me and I tangle myself with him. What happens is... horrifying. I don't want to repeat the event. Not any time soon.

Charlie whispers, 'When?' His chest heaves.

My breathing halts, my chin hitting down against my chest. I pull him up, wrapping his arms around my neck. I slowly begin to rock him back and forward, humming a tune that doesn't exist and rubbing his back in circles.

A patch of sun peeks through the trees, landing on the clear side of my neck. The summer heat causing sweat to drain from my skin straight away.

'I'm scared.' he whispers when I do not reply.

'Why are you scared?' I ask but we both already know the answer... both too scared to utter the words aloud.

Charlies head rests on my shoulder, his nose brushing against my neck. He is gurgling, and the blood sputters up from his lips. The red liquid is streaming down my neck and dampening my shirt. All I can do is rub his back, soothe him as the choking and sputtering continues.

My other hand is reaching for the gun. Lifting it up to his head. My eyes are closed... I can't do this... not again...

Every night, every hour of his time is spent like this. Charlie is dead, yes. But he is still in my memory, and I'm not ready to set him free.

'Andee?' Carl says and shakes me. I turn over in my sleep and listen to him wince in pain. I peek through one eye, Carl is rubbing his eye.

'You hit Carl!' Edith is giggling hysterically in the back of the car. My face goes plum red. A cramp erupts from my stomach, I curl over in pain and Carl rests a hand on my arm. While I let out a monstrous groan I clutch my stomach, pressing in.

'Are you okay?' Carl asks and I nod, repeating the shake of my head more than five times. 

'Are you?' I question and he smiles. My stomach rumbles, making a loud dinosaur roar. 

Judith then exclaims, 'Can we eat?', as if she just realized she is hungry too. Her head it poked between the two front seats of the car. Her eyes are glowing and she looks so alive, happy to have a place on this earth we have the share with the dead.

Although Judith never got to know a life without walkers (cuddling monsters) she still is a cute child, who takes advantage of the apocalypse, kicking ass -Lil' Ass Kicker- and proving she can still have a life in this world.

Carl nods scarcely and Judith squeals violently. Judith is the first to jump out of the car. I open my door last and look around as they both go to the back and open the boot. Around us there are multiple trees far out, two fields or more away. We are parked on the side of the road. A small house is found on the side, it seems that everything it deserted now, as if we really are the lasts ones left...

'Are you going to eat or what?' Carl says from behind the boot. I walk over and stare is, my jaw dropping as far down as it can go. Their boot is piled high with food. There is also some toilet paper -how moderate- and soap, looks of soap, the blocks that you would buy and watch as it lasts for over half a year.

The food in the trunk are either tins or vegetables. There are few chocolate bars. Maybe one chocolate bar for every twelve tins. And some of those wrappers are torn out and eaten at, the litter left behind making the boot look more full than it actually is.

I can feel the hungry. It is at the stage where I know the noise of thunder from my stomach will aproach any second now. 'You may as well be drooling.' Carl insists and chucks a tin at me. He takes out one for himself and closes the trunk.

'What about me?!' Judith whines. Carl smugs and drags her into a hug. She does not try to hug him back, not that Carl minds. He knows it is only because she is hungry. Judith pushes back with all her might. 'I'm hungry Carl!' she sobs.

He cranks open the tin and gives it to her. She looks up to him and back at the tin, slowly taking it from him. 'You have to eat too.' Judith says, wondering about his health as much as her own. Only seven years old and she feels that she must worry for her brother.

'Don't worry, he can share with me.' I inform but Carl shakes his head. I look at him, dubious. 'But-'

'I will share with Judith for today.' Carl states. Judith looks at the tin and then at both myself and Carl. She looks worried, as if when she takes one single bite or lick she has confirmed a deal with the devil. 'We have to feed for one more mouth now.' Carl explains and I feel like a bullet has been shot through my chest. I waltz in and took there warmth and made myself cosy. Now I am about to eat their food and leave them over a month short of what they thought they had left. 'Just for today, okay? Andee is very skinny-' I glare at Carl. I'm not very skinny. I'm average. Carl catches my death stare and points at my stomach. 'It's true. You're nothing but skin and bone under there.'

With one hand grasped around the tin I use the other hand and cover over my stomach. Maybe he is right, my conscious tells me and I glance at the tin. My stomach growls once again and I lift the can to my lips. It is shiny and has a dent where my thumb rests.

I don't know what the food is inside, and I prefer not to know. Once the juice touches my lips my hunger inside me strikes even harder. My head is tilt back and my eyes are closed shut, I swallow, down... down... until there is nothing left. I'm looking in the tin, as if waiting for it to refill, both Judith and Carl are staring at me. I must look like a raging cannibal, except it is not meat. 

Judith smiles, like I have just shown her the stars and moon for the first time. Carl is smiling too, but his is apologetic, as if he is sorry he was not there for the twelve years to provide me with food. 

'Let's go check out the house.' I whisper and Judith acknowledges what I say, stepping forward and grabbing my hand. She pulls me backward and drags me towards the shack. Judith stomping forward like a soldier, myself looking over my shoulder at Carl... and him standing there, watching us as we grow further a part.