Why am I here again?

I'm having those thoughts again..
You know the ones
I feel angry again but mostly low
There's this weight in my chest that doesn't let me breath
It's happing again
I close my eyes to stop the tears
I'm here
I'm here again
I don't know...
I was doing just fine
It's was like hearing a familiar song again and all the memories starting coming back again
All the memories
Times went by but these feelings didn't
Will I ask for help this time?
Will I conquer it this time?
I thought I did conquer it the last time?
How did I conquer it the last time?
Was I sober the last time?
Why, why !
What did I do!?
What did I do this time
Was I even okay or was it just a cover up
I've been down this road so many times
Why cant I just hide
I thought I was strong, I called myself strong
But was that just another cover up?
Like so many cover up
I'm screaming again, I'm having these head aches again
I'm having these thoughts again