The story of my life

My life isn't right anymore cause of the news about my grandma she is the person I would always go to her for everything she was the only person I could trust And there for me after my left me. My mom left me 3 months ago and I don't even know why I thought my mom was always there for me and I felt I had no body at the time. Everyday my mom would talk about my father disappeared 7 months ago on 7-7-14 his name was Connor and I loved him more than I loved love 2 days before he gone missing he had told me, "I did this for a reason and you are gonna do what you want to do for a reason, I love you but it isn't right I will miss you and see you soon" I didn't know what that mean at the time but now I understand I got a call telling me my grandma is in the hospital but not only my grandma my grandpa a perfectly fine man rushed in the emergency room I didn't know what was going on and the doctor tells me that my grandpa bones are breaking down and he will not live long. While my grandma on the bed next to my grandpa going to the worst stage of her cancer and me holding on to her hand telling her how much I love her! Then my mom comes in and is yelling at me for not caring for people enough while my grandparents are dieing. 1 hour later my grandparents die at the same time and second. 😭😭 I was depressed for days and left on the street cause I had no where to go, nothing to wear, and no friends 😭 Connor still wasn't found and In my mind I was thinking he had died but it was to hard to believe I lost everyone in my life so why have one? My only friend was my blades that is the only thing I could express my emotions to. I had no one else, walking around in the middle of no way wear is what I would do and one I day I saw something, it looked like CONNOR I mean dad, but all he is doing is laying down not moving so I go over to see what is going on. IT IS MY DAD!! I FOUND HIM! he tells me " when I meant I will see you soon I didn't mean now, I meant in hell" I didn't understand why I would go it hell. I asked home why would I go to hell? he told me just wait 42 days 3 hours and 4 minutes and tells me he had to go. so the rest of my life i just cut myself to get rid of my emotions but I have this person in my head telling me that I'm not good enough to have a life and that I should keep cutting and die cause I have no purpose on earth and I don't belong In heaven with god. The only thing I would do with it would listen to it cause i felt the same way and my own father Connor told me to die!! Well his 42 days thing is bullshit it's 68 days and I haven't died yet but wishing I did so everything could be over with finding food was hard and water too. Dehydrating myself every single day, 21 years old and still haven't understood the 42 days thing. One day a guy name Kian asked me where do you live and sadly I said right here and he told me to come in the car so I did and he said I can live with him we were getting along PERFECTLY!! And we started dating for awhile and he was a gentleman to me an I lived him more than everything he is the closest thing to me and one beautiful day HE PROPOSES TO ME!😍😍😍 I love him so much so I obviously I said YESSS. I've learned so much from Kian I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't 💕