Me Too. My experience with a guy who hurt me.

What happened. Start to finish.

I'm gonna blank out his name. The people who know me irl probably know who this is about.
And I mention my sexuality, I am a lesbian and have been since I was about 11 or 12.

I'm not sure how to tell anyone. I'm not even sure if I should tell anyone. I just need to get it out. When [||||] was still in my band we were friends. We often met up outside of out band things to rehearse music on our own. This one time he went to my house and continuously harassed me basically. First he pestered and pestered me to kiss him, not even on the lips or anything but I really didn't want to but he kept pestering so I just did, on the cheek. He made me hug him at the top of the garden too after that for a couple of weeks. A few days later I let him into my room a while after so we could watch tv. He kept hugging me and pulling me to lie down with him, I asked him to stop but I obviously didn't put up much of an argument because he didn't let me back up. He then repeatedly brushed his hands over my boobs, I ignored it as I thought it was accident but now I'm not so sure. He later asked what I would do if he asked to be my boyfriend, I didn't know what to say. I had been questioning my sexuality but it wasn't him I was interested in at all. I laughed it off because I didn't want to offend him. He asked me again, after holding me tighter to him and I laughed it of again. He then sent multiple Snapchat messages to his friends to make it look like we were a couple, I repeatedly hid my face in each picture and he then tried to take pictures without me knowing until he showed me the pics of my uncovered face. After that one as nervous and I wanted to get out of that situation, that's when he asked me to be his girlfriend again. I said yes. I said yes because I was scared and uncomfortable and I'd been repeatedly pestered. He then started kissing me. I didn't want him to kiss me but I couldn't say no because his tongue was in my mouth and he couldn't kiss properly and it was horrible and disgusting. He let me sit back up but sat with an arm around me, repeatedly touching my boob when I brushed his hand away, I must stress that I hadn't given consent. He then pulls me so that one as sat between his legs as he lay down, he sat up and undid my shirt. I repeatedly said I wasn't sure and I don't think I wanna do this, he pulled down my shirt anyway and touched my boobs. He made a no one about shoving his head between them and shaking, I said no and I pulled my shirt back up. He carried on making me kiss him, telling me to shush and kissing me when I tried to talk about things to get his mind off me. He had to leave after a small while. I went to the cinema with him a few days later, he kept asking for hugs and kisses and I repeatedly said no. After two weeks of entering a relationship I broke it up. I'm having sleepless nights feeling like a slut for what happened. I know its not my fault deep down but I constantly tell myself it is my fault and I'm so stressed out. I don't know what to do with myself. I spoke to him about it recently and he's acting like he can't remember the shirt thing. He says he has a new girlfriend now and talks about her in a completely degrading way, the only thing I hear about her is about her vagina, which he refers to as her 'puss puss'. It's disgusting. I feel like shit and the thought of him makes me sick. I don't know what to do. I honestly feel like such a whore and I don't know what to do with myself. In struggling to sleep at night a lot as well. idfk
~R