My book of thoughts and feeling

Numb

Numb is a feeling I have felt on numerous occasions. Feeling numb is troublesome. Things that would commonly make you laugh, doesn't make you laugh. Things that would usually make you cry, doesn't make you the slightest bit down. 

I lay staring at the empty ceiling cold and confused. People ask me whats wrong, but the truth is I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I thought I was just bored, but it continued. I go places with friends, things that would normally make me happy, but I still end up being numb, distant, and confused. 

I pop pills that are supposed to make me happy. Why do I have to take pills to repair me? Why can't I simply be content? I crash and I break down. I can't stand on my own two feet. 

I feel rejected. I feel empty. Nothing helps. I feel like I have a bubble in my throat and a balloon in my stomach. My body feels weird. My skin tingles and my hands get clammy, but there is nothing I can do to change that. 

I feel that this symptom results from feeling overwhelmed and overburdened by life's challenges to the point where you just can't feel anymore. You are too tired and weary to emote. It can also be a protection against feeling too much as in after a trauma. 

 It can be the process of shock where we simply cannot take in the emotional reality of what is going on. The mind is protecting itself from too much pain. I know I'm going to just have to get used to this feeling.