Your hand

{Your hand}

The bitter touch of your pale, soft-skinned hand
brushed against my own for the last time 
as I felt as if my heart was about to jump
out of my chest.

At times I wonder
what made you choose to let go
at that exact moment - but then I remember
that I have destroyed the last card of trust
that was left in your box of chances.

You closed the door behind you
and my heart
crushed into
millions of
pieces
at the thought of not crossing paths with the one person who
I'd like to be myself again with
to be kind and lovable but instead
with your cold
heartless 
heart you managed to replace me into this cold hearted human being
that refuses to let someone else enter into her heart again

she is a fooled young girl who believes in the idea of not being able to stretch the silence even more between the two and eliminate the only remaining thing that makes her suffer.

You still have my scarf at your house and I haven't gotten the courage to ask you for it as I want you to keep it
cause It reminds you of the missing piece of innocence that you took from me and smells like me.

Our memories will remain with Polaroid images
which reveal that the rest of the world was black and white
but we were the only ones
in screaming colour.

Your voice on its own still sends shivers down my spine and drives me to tears when I hear it.

You are not coming back
but my heart still screams that he wants you.

Sometimes when I miss you I put those records on that we used to listen to until 4am,
I close my eyes and take a deep breath
and
imagine
the world without you and how
miserable
It would be.

We don't talk, but seeing you is the only thing that reassures me that you will at least still acknowledge my existence.

You threw our most precious bond away  like  a
young
child
throwing away flowers full of fragile petals in a garden.

I don't blame you for not knowing how to remain patient with me , and so I still poured my heart out to you without  wanting anything in return.

you still
broke
my
heart
but I was too much of a fool that I loved you so much that I let you break me twice.

The ache of my heart hasn't left since then and will
forever
remain there permanently until the day I decide to let you walk into my life again
and
erase
that
memory from my heart and mind.

I accept that the more bullets that come from my mouth decrease the amount of trust I receive from you each day
and so I am now paying for the sins of my unforgivable reasons.

You have and will always , have a place in my heart , the
free
plane
ticket to go
and come back whenever you feel like it

I will still have my open arms to receive you because I became oblivious by the thought of not being able to be independent and darling without you I
struggle
to
breathe
  by not being able to live without you

- [ ]

i hope you all enjoy it 💕