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Suicide Thoughts

AUTHORS NOTE: Picture of Abigail

* Abigail's POV *

I had my first suicidal thought at 14. I was scared. I still am. But they got worse. And worse. And I'm at the point where I'm ready. I have it all planned out. But it's him. He keeps me going. Maybe just a few more days. Maybe even a week. I just have to see him a few more times. I want him to be the last person I ever see. The last person I ever loved. The last person I ever needed.

My name is Abigail Stewart and I attend Lakeside High. It's the most miserable school anyone could ever go to. It's full of douchebags and fakes. But every high school has those. The thing is, no other school has Flint Davis. He's the only good thing in this world.

I can't begin to describe how perfect he is. And how non-perfect I am. He would never like me. Yet I can't bring myself to believe that. I keep thinking that maybe there's a sliver of a chance. But there's not. There's no chance. But it doesn't matter. I'll be gone from here soon anyway. And not a single person will even notice. Nobody will.

Going to school is an utter disaster. Being bullied isn't even the worst part. It's just... It's just it. There's too many hormones flying around and to much drama to keep track of. I don't know how an average teen can keep up with it all. I have to use 101% of my strength to get through those few hours. Most of that energy is used up by me trying to keep my anxiety from taking over. And before you decide he's popular. He's not. But I don't understand why. He's just so unbelievably amazing. In my eyes at least. I've only ever talked to him once. And we all know how disastrous that was (I'll leave that to your imagination).

So now I have to avoid him. For his own good. Did I actually think I'd give his life meaning
when my life alone has no meaning at all? Even still I wait and wonder. Maybe. But as the days pass slowly and my life doesn't get any more exciting, I slip deeper and deeper into my depression.

It's to the point where I'm questioning my very existence. Am I even alive? Am I just an illusion of a 17 year old girl? That probably explains why I never effect anyone in any way. I'm like a gust of wind passing everyone by. When will someone notice me?

Someone did. Flint did. Now you see why he means so much. Why he is the reason, the only reason I am still alive at this very moment. And the very reason I want to die all together.

AUTHORS NOTE: First of all, thank you for reading. This is my first book and there is obviously no editing done. I'm quite new to WATTPAD and I've really enjoyed writing so far. I'll try to update
as much as possible but when the school year starts I'll have to add chapters every weekend instead. Nonetheless I hope you enjoy and thanks again for reading. ;)

Also, criticism is welcomed but please make it constructive