Heartaches have been always the twin brother of love, I can conclude. It’s because of the irreversible pain that I have met, the tragic broke up that I have encountered, and the sudden loss of the person I have treasured beyond my control, but on my second thought, How about giving myself to love the second time around? They say that love the second time around is much sweeter, to give chance for myself to fall in love again and forget the scars of yesterday…
It is the month of February again and unlike most sentimental of people who get themselves busy for blind dates, buying of gifts for their partners, preparing themselves for the expected dates and what was to be done on this year’s Valentines Day but as for me I am in the middle of the silence of solitude reminisces of a short love affair a year ago had passed. Hidden on a little chest inside of my heart… Well here’s my story…
I have been living on the threshold of pain, prisoner of hurtful memories of yesterday, afraid to go out from my shell and always a coward to fall in love for I am haunted by my miserable past. Then I met you, you became my light as I am traversing the dark roads of everyday, the reason for me to wake up each morning, you became the apple of my eye as I laid first my deep penetrating eyes on you. How I wish I could close the gap between me and you, tore the leaning walls that separates me from you, then there came a point when I am so down and about to cry, A caring hand taps my back and assuring me everything’s going to be alright, I looked up and saw your sympathizing eyes, I smile, you wiped away the troubles in my heart. I am now craving to tell you that the tiny spark of interest and admiration that I have in you had became an unbearable burden to carry.
As the days went by my interest to you had now starting to grow little by little and as the last rays of the setting sun kisses every rooftop and the dominion of the night started to spread through the world, I outburst my emotions to you. If’s and buts paralyzes my being, What if this confession be the provoker for us to lose the friendship that we share? What if you become distant after this? But all of the scenarios that crossed to my mind had been swept away with solacing words accepting what I’ve got with no inhibitions to tell.
Days had walked to weeks and weeks run to month, the strong barrier that keeps us apart had been destroyed, the awkwardness has perished and our friendship blooms like the summer flowers on the field.
And as I talked of evolving our friendship to a higher level you always silenced me with a line of remaining our relationship as friends, One sweet friends, but as the maxim goes on “NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER” I continue my courting to you hoping someday, somehow you can learn to love me the way I want to and let me be a part of your life and give you a chance to prove my love for you and that I was worth loving.
May 13, 2011 – Friday the 13th. Though this was a cursed date for me I am overjoyed for you gave me the chance to be at last to be a part of your world, but then came the dusk of the day, the gloomy heavens pictures the feelings that I have inside, three days after you ended the mutual relationship with painful remarks, upon receiving your text message, the blissful curves in my lips turns to tear- threatening expressions, sadness and pains cover me. My world collapsed to pieces and my well – built dreams with you had been torn to fragments.
I don’t know if it was my right or am I in the right position to blame you for giving me this tormenting pain and heartaches, it was actually on the first place my fault, My fault of forcing you to commit into a relationship more than friendship that haven’t grew to maturity.
So many nights I laid my head sleepless and conscious forcing my self to be in the serenity of sleeping to be at least for an hour I can relieve myself from the cruel failures of reality. I asked myself how can I come over the disastrous pain you have cause in my life, how can I let go of a love that would have been perfect I think but has been drowned by the harsh awareness that you have loved someone and unfortunately it wasn’t me.
Then I have come to the point when I want to forget everything, be like the old times but my heart can’t be fool by the memories my brain is transmitting, every time I see you, every move you take, every smile you make, every word you utter will always be a reminder of the deep feelings that I have for you.
It takes time for me to forget how you have shaken my world with your presence leaving me with broken pieces to mend.
Loving someone is always a critical period of the mind, you have open yourself to give chance to love again but afterwards the same cycle goes – Love, pain, Hate. Everything happened in one snapshot, a click and ill-fated reason. It started with a simple clear – cut mistake, but its upshot made me realized of what was to become. Everything goes by, you left me tears unshed, words unsaid and love not fully expressed. Now I can hear this line of a song that echoes to my being… “Porque Contigo you escohi….” I don’t know what to say, Is this love? If not, why it hurts so much?
