Laine Transformation

Chapter Five

I replay the scenario in my head on repeat for at least a month. It feels like I'm dying the pain and embarrassment is so great. I haven't made contact with Killian or went to get my things back, I can't do that to myself.

Of course I'd had the feeling it was going to be a destructive end but never even in my deepest doubts did I think he would be capable of doing this without remorse and with enjoyment. This was the same guy who told me he loved me almost daily and up until the last day would get jealous if another guy exchanged a hello with me.

The calendar days scroll by and I stay locked away in my apartment healing and reflected on the last two years. When I do manage to pick myself up and go to work the topic is nearly unavoidable.I hear rumors that Jean Marie and Killian are together now, which didn't take long. It stings when someone moves on so quickly and unexpectedly.

I delete them both off social media but I couldn't prevent myself from seeing other people's photos. I avoid going anywhere except O's and home for what seems like forever.

Killian contacts me on and off saying things sober and drunk that make my skin crawl. Some days he'd call me terrible names and blame me for what he'd done and others he'd say he misses me and still wanted to keep in touch or meet up. It's emotionally draining to have him make contact with me so I never respond. The worst of them all is when he'd told me he would have stayed with me had I tried to take care of myself more. He knows my insecurities better than anyone.

Being sad soon looses its steam and reality sets back in I know it's time I put myself back out there. Every piece of my doesn't want to but I know it's good for me. Still, my efforts seem useless as because it feels like every social outing, bar, show, or restaurant I go to the couple would show up to rub things in my face or there'd be some reminder that forces me to break down.

I think I've finally lost it after I finish my shift at O's one Friday night. It's been a little over two months since its happened and I'm finally starting to adjust to living a single lifestyle that is my own. Before I can clock out Jean Marie and Killian walk in hand and hand, smug smiles across their faces. The wind feels knocked out of me as they sit down and look over at me like they want me to watch.

I take off out the back door before Billie can say anything to me about it; I'm not sure I could talk about it right then and there. I take a quick cab home and fly out of the back seat on a mission. Within seconds of walking in my front door I look around my and start to collect anything that was his and anything he may have touched and toss it out the back door.

I'm driven with a one track mind fueled by a fit of range. I begin cursing his name and screaming "you fucking bastard" out loud. When everything is out I calm down a little and start packing my things into plastic bags. There's two months left on my lease but it's of no importance to me right no. I want to move tomorrow. I want a fresh start.

As much as I dislike my small town, I hop a flight to get away from the city and pull myself together. My friends back home curse his name too but it doesn't make me feel as good as I think it will. My parents practically say "I told you so" to my face as if the age difference and tattoos should have been a warning and I deserved this. I write in my journal and I don't touch a drop of alcohol the whole time.

When it's time to finally head back to the city I'm anxious; I don't want to face it all again. I know I'll be okay but I drive in a rental car six hours back blasting music so my thoughts don't get too heavy.

Arriving back to work in full swing helps me put things in priority. After graduation I tried to focus on getting a job but I hadn't tried hard enough to make it to any of the few interviews I managed to get. It was nice that I didn't have to work with my enemies. John didn't fire Jean Marie as much as told her it was best she found a new job. Still, I needed to move on.