Evergreen Spirits

Prologue

3rd August 2018
Location: Somewhere in the world
Time: 3:41 pm
Who would've ever thought that she'd do it - I mean she always told me to never give up. She always told me to, "Look at your bright side, thank your dark side and cherish those who love both." I always loved how she said it. That unique air of optimism that she would generate into the atmosphere. The way she could manipultate your feelings, turn you joyful when your Algebra teacher just can't give you that one extra mark for your test. She was like an angel - an angel that fell so quickly.

Shakespeare was right in Macbeth, "Angels are bright still, though the brightest fell." You could interpret it one way - that good people exist in this world, though those people are the most prone to turn - but no. I interpret it differently. Good people are out there, but it's usually them that are the most likely to break. To crack. To take a Panasonic Electric Hair Razor and slit their throat open. To leave an unbearable pain behind in the living world, rendering their loved ones defenseless from the suffering that's worst than death. To leave their boyfriend sitting at the third cushion of a tattered couch, watching cute cat videos to try and cheer up. He should really forget it. It's never gonna work.

There's probably nothing and no one in this world that can do it anymore. That particular atmosphere that I want to feel. I feel numb. I feel broken. I feel betrayed. I feel, death. "You can't attend, okay? It's halfway across the world!" Jack said. Fuck that. Fuck him. Fuck life. Everything's a lie. Everything she said was never truly who I thought she was. Everything here is plastic. At least, that's what I feel. I can't move. I don't know what to do. I have no idea what I am. What she is. Who she is. Who I am. I just - can't. I can't live. Nor can I die.

How much more. How much more pain do I have to take. I can't even go to her funeral, see her body one last time before it gets buried under 6 feet of American soil in a casket that she doesn't even deserve. Don't get me wrong - I am mad at her, but she deserves a better one. It's nothing compared to her beauty. Her hair - as black as coal, and as smooth as Chinese silk. Her lips - red as a Grandiflora rose. Her skin - as white as the Siberian snow. I miss her. I love her. I am her. We are one. We formed such a strong bond, her dying was as if i was already in hell.

I stood up from my couch, getting ready to eat breakfast - my most miserable breakfast. My most lonely, sad and miserable breakfast. Then, I thought to myself, "I can't do this anymore." I took the fork from my plate filled with the world's worst pancakes amd prepared myself to see what she was feeling at this very moment. "Love," I said, wanting that to be my last word in the ice-cold and harsh reality, before shoving it down my throat at full force.

At that moment, everything went pitch-black. It was like sleeping, except I would never wake again. Out of the blue, just before I opened death's door to possibly meet her in spirit, all our memories together flashed into my eyes. All those meals we eat, songs we sang and dreams we chased, prevented me from stepping into the deep, black abyss of death. I mustered up all my strength for one last time to step into the light brighter than a thousand stars - at least I can remember the brightest light I had in the world for one last time. Elizabeth - sorry, but I can't just go there yet.