battle wounds | t. stark

0,2

natasha hadn't expected carson to seem so confused as she was. but then again, she had just taken her to a shield base where director fury was waiting for natasha to come back with a mission report and this mysterious and possibly high-risk woman.

so when natasha walked into the base and saw fury standing in the centre of the base, she understood carson's confusion. she just didn't know the extent of it.

carson looked around and spotted guns pointing at her. that was something she didn't like. she took a deep breath and restrained herself from doing anything. not that she was use to doing anything on her own accords anyway.

"lower your weapons, boys." natasha announced, crossing her arms.

carson looked at natasha with a small thank you smile. it was weak and barely there but it was all she could really muster up with her memories slowly coming back to her.

they were going to re wipe her, hydra that is. she began remembering too much. she remembered some things about her life before it was stolen so cruelty away from her. but only the small snippets that were already permanently gone from the amount of wiping she had gone through, yet it was still enough for hydra to find it risky. they didn't get to wipe her again.

"who are you?" nick asked, stepping closer to the girl.

carson looked up at the man as he approached her. she couldn't help but feel anxious. it was like anything that could remotely turn bad was invading her head. if she were to be killed right now, which was impossible, that was all she could think about.

"c-carson." she replied, calmly.

"alias?" nick asked her, eyeing her messy state.

"t-they call me.. they call me the winter soldier." she muttered, her heart pumping.

"the winter soldier?" natasha asked, looking at the girl.

"another problem for another time." nick said. "what do you do?" he asked.

"i kill. i take orders and i kill." the words slipped out of carson's mouth easily, without any thought. "i kill who they want me to."

she was scared. she felt as if she had no control of what was coming out of her mouth. natasha stared at the girl dumbfounded. if she was just tidied up a little bit, you would expect her to be a normal person, a happy woman. she wasn't though.

"who do you kill?" nick asked, once again.

"m-my targets." carson fought the words. "i don't want to!" she shouted, finally feeling her own self allowing some speech. she began speaking. "i hate it. i hate what i've done! i've killed so many- so so many." she wailed, busting out into tears as her memories flooded with every single murder she had committed, every single thing she had done to injure another person.

"carson-" natasha said, in her soft, comforting voice. "listen to me, we are going to help you." natasha paused to look at nick. "aren't we?"

"yes, we are." nick replied to her.

coulson then spoke up, from where he was standing by a computer. "but right now, we have a problem. barton is compromised. romanoff, we need you to recruit the big guy."

"you already know that stark trusts me as far as he can throw me." natasha replied.

"i've got stark- you get the big guy." coulson replied, narrowing his eyes at natasha.

as she mumbled a few incoherent words in russian that no one but carson understood, she began to walk away.

"look after carson."

•••

phil coulson and nick fury were not the ones to tidy up someone so they called in the third of their little trio. maria hill.

so fury began working on creating new files for carson, making her a new identity, same name, same age but a different story and the fact that all other files on her had been deleted, helped out a lot.

whilst fury was doing that, maria was helping carson become a little less hostile. she was being kind towards carson, the only way for someone to trust another is to gain the trust.

"okay carson, we've got to help you." she explained to carson. "fury is making sure no one dangerous will know what happened to you. everyone in shield will know, however."

"more people knowing all of the damage i caused." carson murmured, sitting tensely by maria.

"i have to clean you up now. sort your hair, clean all those cuts. make you seem-"

"-innocent?" carson interrupted. "i'm sure everybody knows that's something i am not."

"we need you to look it." maria replied, with no idea what else to say.

and so maria and carson got started on making carson look like a normal woman. after her hair had been washed, whilst she was in the shower, it looked much nicer, she smelt better too.

carson's hair looked much blonder then before and her cuts had no blood pooling from them anymore. her skin looked pale compared to what it had been due to all of the dirt washed off but nether the less, she looked somewhat alike.

"you need some new clothes." maria said, looking at the raggedy clothes that carson had been put in for wiping.

"can i actually get comfortable clothes too?" she asked them, sitting on a chair after being tidied up.

"we can take you out to go shopping as soon nick clears your files, anyone could be looking for you right now." maria informed her.

"you mean hydra could be looking for me right now?" she asked her, looking at maria expectedly.

"yes, hydra could and most likely are looking for you." maria told her, sighing.

"looking for me.. i just can't get a break." carson whispered, sighing to herself.

"none of us can, carson." maria said to her, and in that second, carson felt something. she felt a smaller bit more normal. she was so used to being called soldier and all other variations, she felt dehumanised.

but here already, she was starting to feel a small bit more like her old self. but that couldn't change her past. that couldn't change the thoughts and the memories that haunted her head.

AUTHORS NOTE:
i'm so sorry this took so long! no wifi at my grandparents and i ended up staying longer then i was meant to! thank you for reading and i hope you liked it!