Why me?

Part 1

Tuesday 12th July
Dear diary,
I've never written a diary before but I feel like I need someone to talk to and a place where I can say anything.

The last few months have been very rocky and have caused a lot of pain for all of us. Sadly my brother the person I respected and loved the most died after he was stabbed tragically at 17. I have been left heartbroken ever since and I have had the pain new pain everyday and I don't know what to do with it, I've tried everything to get it away but I have a feeling of being guilty on why everything happened.

Thursday 14th July
The pain is unbearable I don't know how to loose it. My head and heart are urging me to have the pain he did maybe I should try it. My life will never be the same ever again anyway.

Saturday 16th July
I woke up it was the early hours, I had been dreaming about my brother and had a nightmare, I heard shouting coming from downstairs so I slipped out of bed and quietly opened my door and sat on the landing to listen to what my mum and dad were arguing about "if u hadn't told him to go out my baby boy would still be here" "if u hadn't let him drink he would of been sensible and got away" I could here my mum shouting this from downstairs and crying her eyes out whilst she screamed it. The front door slammed shut and my mum was shouting "come back I didn't mean it I was angry". My dad just walked
off and never looked back to see my mum standing there in bits. I went back to bed.

Hours later
I woke up wondering if all that had happened was a dream and that nothing had ever happened. I went over to my mum and dads room and peeped my head around the corner to see my mum fast asleep passed out with a bottle of vodka accompanying her but there was no sign of dad. I quietly but quickly wondered down the stairs trying not to wake my mum up. I opened the front room door to find my dad and a woman lying down on the carpet naked with only a blanket on top of them. There was alcohol everywhere, everything which I thought just happened in my head had actually happened, I went Into the kitchen and filled a tub up with water and went into the front room to my dad and the woman and stood above them and chucked the water on top of them and then stormed off and slammed the door behind me.