After the Before (Harry/Louis)

Disclaimer: I own this fictional story, sadly I don't own the boys.

“Um, thanks.” Harry squeezed shut his eyes as the awkward words filtered out into the dark room. He had just given Louis something monumental in his small teenaged life and all he could do was thank him. He had known it would be a mistake but he was now starting to realise just how big of one he had made.

It served him right really. Listening to his friends had never worked in his favour. There was the time they made him drink a whole quart of tequila, which he only vaguely remembers and he will never forget the time they had set him up with a creepy professor from the internet. Still he really only had himself to blame for this one. He wasn’t completely against the idea. It was Louis Tomlinson after all, most popular kid in school. No guy would say no to him, although maybe Harry should have at least held out for a few dates. Giving himself up so easily on the first night was not his brightest idea.

Niall, his best friend since they were twelve, had convinced him that maybe there wouldn’t be a second date, so it only made sense to take advantage of the fact that Louis had asked him out on this one. With that in mind Harry had purposely drank more than he could handle, came on a little too strong and now he was paying the price. He had just had some pretty bad sex, bad sex that he would always remember as his first time.

Louis’ hands gripped at his waist, clammy and shaking. Harry tried to move away from the door handle slicing into his back but as he shifted his mouth Louis claimed it again, interpreting his moan of pain and annoyance as one of pleasure and only pushed at him more. Harry realised that he should have been savouring the moment, he was finally with Louis, the guy he had been crushing on for the last year, but something didn’t feel right.

He twisted their bodies until the offending handle was against his waist and stumbled as Louis took it as an invitation to push him back towards his un-made bed. He bit at Harry’s lips and groaned and he could admit that it was a sinfully sexy sound coming from the deep recesses of the other boy’s throat. Harry moved his hands to snake around Louis’ neck, desperately trying to get more into it, more involved, but doing so caused their balance to shift and the pair tumbled to the floor together, Louis’s elbow jutting sharply into his stomach.

“Sorry!”

It was his own fault because he should have held out for hearts and flowers. He should have taken their first tumble as a sign from the divine and kept his integrity and dignity intact. But it was Louis and Harry hated having the big V label hanging over his head. In his ideal world the night could have been perfect. If he hadn’t drank so much and he wasn’t so eager. If they had actually taken the time to get to know each other first.

“Yeah, thanks, it was… great!” Harry grimaced; even he could hear the lie in his voice. It wasn’t great, it was so far from great they’d need a twelve hour flight to get to it, but he had to think about what was going to happen from here. Personally he doubted that he would ever be able to look him in the face let alone go out again, not that he thought – for even one second – that Louis would want to. But what was going to happen at school? Would he tell everyone they slept together? Would he tell everyone how bad it was? Did he even realise how bad it was?

“Louis, wait… ow!” Harry pulled his head back but that only made the pain increase. Louis’ fingers quickly moved to work on the top button of his jeans where Harry’s hair had got caught and he cursed every book and film he had ever read that made what he had tried to do look sexy. There was nothing sexy about trying to unzip a guy’s pants with your teeth and he had the red scalp to prove it.

On the plus side Louis was actually really kind of gentle, the way he softly plucked at the strands of Harry’s hair until he was untangled and the way he cradled Harry’s face afterwards and brought his mouth down to meet his own. Maybe things were turning around. Maybe this ridiculously embarrassing incident was what they needed.

Harry should have taken the fact that his hair got caught in the button as a sign. First the tumbling and then the hair, everything was screaming at him, telling him it was a mistake. He should have listened.

“I,” he cleared his throat to try and eradicate the scratchy tone, “I should probably go.” Silence surrounded him as he waited for Louis’ answer and he hated the fact that even after everything that had happened that night there was still a part of him that wanted Louis to ask him to stay. Because although the sex was awful, he was still Louis Tomlinson. He was still the guy with the beautiful smooth voice and the long musical fingers. He was still the guy with the crooked smile and twinkling blue eyes. He was still the guy that Harry had dreamt about, and there was this little piece of his heart that didn’t want to let him go.

“Yeah. I guess, thanks for tonight.” There it was again, thanks. He didn’t want his thanks. It made him feel dirty, like he’d done an odd job for him, cleaned the windows or washed up. Thanks was not the repayment he expected. Not that he wanted a declaration of love either. Hell he didn’t really know what it was he wanted exactly. Maybe not to feel so inadequate? To feel like the slag he was for just giving it away to some guy who didn’t care.

“Louis, that’s not, um..” he moved slightly attempting to line Louis erect penis with his wet hole. He was definitely in forbidden territory - how do you tell a guy that he’s not quite putting it in the right place (shouldn’t Louis have noticed that it wasn’t going in?) without killing the mood? Not that there was much of a mood to kill. After the tumbling, the hair catching and then the incident with the condom that he really didn’t want to think about, killing the mood may have been just what they needed. Although it turned out that he didn’t need to do anything because Louis rights himself and then they are back in their sexual groove. Or not.

Harry expected the pain, he’d read about it, been warned about it and actually it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. The pain was most probably something that he would forget about in years in come. What he would always remember was the way Louis counted 1,2,3 under his breath in time with his thrusts and the way he pushed down on Harry’s cock in a strange attempt to get him off. Mostly he would remember that it seemed to last only about thirty seconds before Louis was grunting and shaking and collapsing on top of him.

Harry used the small slither of light fighting its way through the door to find his discarded clothes and quickly threw them on. He was vaguely aware of Louis doing the same and when he switched on his beside lamp he turned away so as to avoid looking at him. Harry had no idea what he was supposed to do. All he knew was that he needed to get out of the house and call Niall to pick him up.

“Harry?” Louis called his name softly and he forced herself to turn towards him. He was scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck, a rose tint to his cheeks. He looked adorable and Harry was surprised that he had the mental capacity to think so after the monumentally catastrophic encounter they had just had.

“Yeah?” it was a whisper carried along waves of anxiety and he could swear that if Louis thanked him one more time he was going to castrate him so that no other boy or man would be thanked for sleeping with him. Harry swiftly ignored the twinge of jealousy that accompanied the thought.

“I am really sorry!” Louis’ smile was filled with shame and Harry saw him swallow thickly before he re-opened his mouth to speak. “It was probably really obvious that I’ve never done that before and I’ve liked you for so long I think the nerves just got to me and then I thanked you and I feel like such a fucking idiot because I know it could have been better but it did actually mean a lot to me that it was you and..”

Harry smiled, the little piece of him that had been hoping for more was jumping around inside of him, the fact that it was Louis’ first time too and that he genuinely seemed to like Harry, coupled with his frantic breaths and red cheeks made him feel ok. It was still awful but it was actually awful for both of them and maybe they could work with that.

“It’s ok. I mean it was my first time too. And I like you a lot.” They smiled at each other as Louis stepped towards him and this time when he leaned in for a kiss the awkwardness was gone. Their lips met perfectly and his hands emitted the perfect amount of heat as they held Harry’s arms just above the elbow. When they pulled apart Harry was glowing and everything that happened previously was forgotten like a distant memory.

“How about, we go on another date – or ten, and then try this again?” Louis’ light eyes bore into his own and he knew all he could do was agree and hope that next time it would be better.