Tyler,
I've been so tired lately. All I ever want to do is sleep. I've tried to tell you but you never seem to understand. You seem so happy. You spend time with your friends, you spend time with me... Even when we are together I don't feel close enough to you. Sometimes I wish you felt the same, but I know that is a hopeless wish. You never seemed to mind when I invaded your space. Sometimes you even let me cuddle closer. I live for those days. Now that you have him, these days happen less and less. I don't blame you, I could never blame you... I realize that you have other people in your life. Other things to accomplish than staying in bed with me all day. I don't understand why I feel the way I feel. It's completely irrational. Despite the fact that it is I still feel insanely jealous of everyone who gets more of your time than me. Every time we are apart I start to drown. Every time you leave me I just want to sleep until you're back. I tried to tell you that I feel lost without you, but you just laughed it off. Likely you thought I was joking. I wasn't. Now that you're in love you're going to leave me for good. You say you won't. You say that we will always be together. Just the two of us. But I know that's not true. You're going to be with him. Even when we are together you will be thinking about him. I'm happy for you Tilly. I really am, but I don't think that I could bare to be around the two of you together. It's selfish of me. I know that you only want your best friend and your.... Husband.... to get along, but I can't do it. Not even for you can I continue to put myself through this much pain. It still hurts me to even think about him. To think that someone else gets my perfect Tilly. It's because of him, because of the pain that I am writing you now. I could never say goodbye to you in person. I know that if I tried you would convince me to stay. It hurts too much Tyler... I have to say goodbye. Because I am weak, because the pain is too much..... I wanted you to know how much I loved you before I go Ty. You will always be my one true love Tilly. And I hope that you remember me after I'm gone. I've always loved you, always wanted you, always will. Even when I'm gone.
Goodbye Tyler, and goodnight. I'm finally going to get some sleep.
With more love than you could ever know, Troye
