love at first sike

the catch

I'm at a party, crying in the bathroom stall. all of the guys here just arent my type! none of them GET me. i begin to raise the gun to my head until i hear a sudden "YOO MY B!!!! WHAT IS YOU DOINNNbbbb?!!" i dont see anyone near the stall, except for some presh new kicks near the trash can. i burst out of the stall singing that cheesy sound of music song and fall into his arms. "you're my one true love" he says. "justin bieber?" i say, softly. all of my life has led to this point. you know love at first sight when you see it for the first time. the heavens have listened to me! he is perfect in every way. we are meant to be. i begin to tug at his ear. "HAHA SIKE!!!" he says as he slam dunks me into the trash can. "IDEK KNO U, YOU CRACKER!!!!" he shouts, giving me a noogie with his junk. i cry and projectile vomit into his mouth. he picks me up gently, like a baby, and whispers sweet nothings into my ear. "you got dat rack doe. but what is the point in all of our existence? why is an amazing rack even visible in our crumbling economy?" i shut him up with a healthy purple nurple. he picks his nose, pulls out a raisin, and jabs his finger in my mouth. i call 911. "IM GETTING GRAPED!!!" i scream/sob. the police arrive instantly and begin doing a jazz routine behind jb. he gets down on one knee and pulls out an altoids tin. as he opens it, he hands me an altoids. "NO CANDY FROM STRANGERS YOU MORON!!!!" i say, picking up my gun. i shoot him in the head. i shoot them all in the head. even myself. his last words linger in my dead brain. "why is an amazing rack even visible in our crumbling economy?"