Devil in Me {Carol Denning}

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The blood on my hands doesn't look real. I want to smear it all over my face, the walls, everywhere. 

The shattered glass below me almost sparkles against the lighting, entrancing me.

These past few months have all been a blur and seemed to change me into someone I thought couldn't possibly exist. I don't know if I'm human anymore, or if my soul has manifested into some sort of malicious monster.

She's inside of my head.

"You're fucking insane," I cry, my hands shaking violently as I hold them up as to defend myself, her mouth twisted into a slight grimace, her eyes dark behind her large glasses that I used to steal from her and try on myself, making her giggle. She would never ever smile.

"Don't call me that!" she yells, shoving me, her eyes softening slightly as if her heart has broken just barely, felt something...just barely. My eyes burn from all the tears and I just want to hit rewind, to find all the answers the second time.

The lights are dim in the house that my parents are away from, on a summer vacation that they left on as soon as I finished school for the year. They do everything they can to get away from me. I stare down at the ugly brownish red and tan carpet beneath our two pairs of feet, mine bare and her sneakers messy and torn, the laces painted with dirt, slightly frayed.

"I thought you cared! I thought you meant all those things you said to me and I trusted you! So yeah, you're a fucking liar, and I can say whatever I want about you. You lost the right to say anything," I spit at her, wishing this never happened. I wish she was in my arms. I wish she would hear what I'm saying. 

"It's not my fault you were dumb enough to believe that bullshit," she growls, inching closer to my face, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah. How stupid of me to love such a piece of shit. Fuck you, Carol. Get out of my house," I demand, wiping away my tears before turning away from her. I know she won't leave. 

I keep having to remind myself how unstable she is, how absolutely crazy she really is. My life turned into a mess ever since I let her in.

"FUCKING LOOK AT ME!" she screams, causing me to whip around, inching back slightly. I didn't realize she has been talking the whole time, saying whatever she wanted to me. 

"What do you want, Carol? You already broke my heart. Isn't that enough for you?" I whisper, my voice shaking slightly. I look back into her eyes that I used to stare into every morning when I woke up beside her, the warm glow of them replaced by resentment. She was always up before me, drawing in her notebook, lollipop in her mouth before even eating anything for breakfast. I would giggle and take it from her mouth, earning an annoyed grumble as I sucked on it before handing it back, resting my head on her shoulder as she sketched.

I can finally feel the pain emitting from the wounds in my hands, biting back the rest of my tears.

"You said you loved me because it was convenient for you."

She's standing in front of me but I can't feel whole anymore. Just empty.