To live or not to live (Eddsworld adoption fic)

Stubborn

- [[ Your Point Of View ]]-

Morning eventually came, I felt the warmth of the sun peaking through the window and onto my face.
My eyes started to flutter open, the room felt unfamiliar and I felt a tinge of panic spring up,
but then memories of yesterday flood into my head.

The feeling died down as I sat up, rubbing my eyes and staring at the wall blankly.

Serving as a reminder that I wasn't alone in here, I heard a voice beside me
"Oh Y/n, you're up"

Tom was sat up in his own bed, tuning his bass and cleaning it off, I could tell that he loved that thing to death.

"Yeah I'm awake.. " I say as i reach my arm up and yawn.

"I'll give you some time to wake up a bit more, Edd usually makes breakfast so he'll let you know when thats ready. In the meantime I'll be in the living room if you need me."

Tom placed Susan back on the stand and exited the room, leaving the door a crack open for me.

A minute or two passed while I sat on the mattress, and my mind felt weirdly blank, like any thought I had would just fall out the other ear.

It wasn't an unwelcome feeling, I'd rather not think about the things I usually do, that leads to rather... bad decisions.

I took a deep breath, eventually getting up from the mattress and stumbling toward the doorway, my body felt weak, and understandably so, I don't think I ever calmed down from the adrenaline of yesterday.

I joined Tom on the couch, hugging my knees and staring at the Tv screen and keeping to myself, careful to not take up too much space

We both ended up waking up before everyone else so we were there for awhile watching crappy shows.

About an hour later, Edd walks downstairs in his pajamas and greets us for a second before heading to the kitchen, I hear him start breakfast in the other room, I hadn't eaten for awhile so my stomach once again scratched at me to eat something.

I tightened my arms around my knees, ignoring the call. I can handle being a little dizzy, what would it matter anyway?

- [[ Edds Point Of View ]] -

   The morning felt very slow, Y/n looked a little better from sleeping, I could still tell that they were absolutely stressed. Sighing, I continued fixing up the food until the timer went off.

"Breakfast is ready!" I called out for the others.

I made sure to turn off the stove before sliding the food onto everyones plates and bringing everything toward the table.

- [[ Tords Point Of View ]] -

The scent of bacon, pancakes, and Edds yells were more than enough to wake me up. I hopped out of bed before thinking to wake up Matt, that man sleeps like a damn log and I know he'll miss breakfast if I don't wake him up.

I swing over to his door, knocking on it a few times. "Foods ready, get the hell up!"

Two seconds later I hear a thud on the floor.

"I'M AWAKE!! Ow.."
Matt yells in response

Maybe I was a little too loud, but eh not my problem.

I head down towards the table, as I walk by I give Y/n a small wave and Tom the stink eye, he scoffs at me, annoyed. I'm sure he would've rolled his eyes at me if he had any to begin with. I chuckle at his reaction anyways and sit down.

- [[ Matts Point Of View ]] -

Getting ready takes a lot of time, but upkeeping my beauty is worth it! I take a final look in the mirror for any flaws before feeling absolutely satistied.

Damn I look good!! Everyones going to fawn at the dinner table I know it.

I put my brush down and stroll happily downstairs to join the others.

I give everyone a smile and I sit down, listening in on whatever discussion is bustling on right now. Everything was going swell!

Well, that didn't seem to be the case for Y/n, they poked at their food, completely dejected.

"How come you haven't eaten yet Y/n?" I decided to ask them.

They looked a bit startled at my question.

"Ah I'm...   Not hungry. I'm fine."

Suspicious.

"Thats ridiculous, you barely ate anything yesterday I'm sure you're starved!" I pushed a bit further.

"Y'know, Matt does have a point, just try and eat at least a little bit, alright?" Edd states with worry on his face.

- [[ Your Point Of View ]] -

Fuck, they're onto me.

I can empty my gut later.

"Alright fine I'll eat, I'm not that hungry though."

Lies..

I take a bite of the pancakes and it melts in my mouth. It tastes fucking heavenly. I try to eat quickly though, I can't keep this shit in my body, I'm only eating to get them off my damn tail.

I push my plate away after I finish, looking around a bit awkwardly before speaking up.

"Hey where would the bathroom be?"

"Oh its over there, end of the hall." Edd points in a direction.

"Thanks." I get up quickly and shuffle toward where he pointed.

- [[ Tords Point Of View ]] -

Somethings off, I'm glad Y/n finally decided to eat but the timing of them going to the bathroom immediately after didn't sit well with me. I know for a fact that this kids depressed, they could be doing anything in there for all I know.

Maybe I'm just overthinking it, I don't wanna push it with them.

- [[ Your Point Of View ]] -

The door is locked, I'm hunched over the toilet shaking from the smell of blood and vomit.

...

Yup, i just threw up my food.
I stood up and flushed the toilet, staring into the mirror.

I look like shit.

I feel like shit.

I turn on the sink, letting the water drip through my fingers, hoping it'll atleast ground me a bit.

Tears pricked at my eyes, I felt pathetic. I shook my head and washed my face to rid it of the mess I made.

I exit the bathroom feeling the literal return of emptiness. I was drained, I sat down on the couch, the heaviness of my limbs holding me in place.

I do wonder, why am i so stubborn about this?

It'd be so much easier to accept their help, their sympathy.

Their looks.

Their pity.

Maybe I should give in and just just eat?

No matter how hard I try to push that thought through my head, I couldn't do it.

I can't, I know its painful to sit through this, but maybe I would die quicker, maybe I could alleviate everyone of my issues. They wouldn't feel obligated to take me in, to look out for me.

I don't know how easy that'd be though, I might've fucked it up with the way I left earlier, they could already be onto me.

Fuck!

Why does dying have to be so hard?