I hate it when people tell me that they're sorry for my loss, and that everything is going to be okay. Everything is definitely not going to be okay, I just lost my best friend, the only person that kept me smiling and happy to be in this world, and it sucked. I watched Alana's Mom and Dad stand at the podium, doing more crying than they were talking. I'm not really sure what they are talking about because i haven't been listening, I'm trying to ignore the feeling of wanting to cry, throw up, and have a panic attack all at the same time. Then I hear something that jerks me back to focus,
" If there is one thing that we know Alana would have wanted to happen today, it would be for her best friend to come up and speak, Elise would you please?"
I suddenly began to panic, I didn't think that they would want me to speak, I had nothing prepared, but i knew that they were right, if there was one thing Alana wanted to happen at her funeral it would be for me to speak. Me and her had enough memories for me to have something to talk about. I must have been sitting here thinking about what I would say for longer than i thought because i felt a familiar warm touch on my leg, i look over to see my Mom silently mouth to me "It's okay, you'll be fine." So i finally start what seems like the longest walk up to the podium with what feels like a million eyes watching me and legs that are about to give out. I finally arrive to the podium when i feel my heart break a little more than it already has when i realize that Alana is in the casket that is only a foot or two away from me. I take a deep breath and begin.
"Uh hi everyone, I know most of you but for those of you that don't know me my name is Elise, and Alana was much more than my best friend, she was the sister that i never had."
I feel like such an idiot, I didn't know that trying to talk about Alana would hurt me this much. I'm not even sure if what I am saying is making sense because I'm focusing more on trying not to burst into tears than I am the words leaving my mouth.
"It was always Alana and Elise, people knew us as a pair and if you wanted to be friends with one of us, you would end up being friends with the both of us. We were a package deal. Freshmen year of high school we had a gym class together, and we were always partners, and one class our teacher decided that the class needed to get to know each other better so she made the pairs, and of course me and Alana weren't partners. Before the teacher even had a chance to tell us what we were doing we jumped right on her, and after a long five minutes of arguing with her she gave up and let us be partners. That's just one of the many memories that always made us laugh."
Me and her were always kind of pain in the butts and made sure that we always got what we wanted. But most people respected us for it, even though there were a few people that hated the fact that we were always together and thought that we should become more independent.
"I am not going to stand up here though and tell you all of our favorite memories, because our friendship is the most important thing in my life and telling all of you our memories would feel like I'm losing all the secrets that keep me connected to her and give me that feeling that she will always be with me."
"Alana was an all around amazing person and she had a positive impact on everyone that she met. I just want everyone to think, think of how much better she made your life." It was at this point that I just couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I could feel my throat closing up because it felt like this was my final goodbye to her, and that hurt so badly. "Because i know that she made my life a million times better, she was always positive and was always there for me and supported me no matter how crazy I might have sounded. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't know how im gonna make it through the rest of senior year my partner in crime by my side."
With that I walked away from the podium and began the long journey back to my seat in the sea of black which made me cry more because she hated the color black, and i know if she had the choice no one would have worn black to her funeral. A few minutes after I had sat back down, that part of the funeral had ended, and I knew that i couldn't stay and watch her be lowered into the ground, i could not deal with that type of pain. I walked out of the funeral home knowing that she would be fine with me not staying because watching that, would make her death all too real. I walked to my car knowing that we would no longer be tackling the world as Alana and Elise, I would be trying to make it through the rest of my life as Elise, the girl who's best friend died in a car accident.
