After talking to my mom about Ali, I walked down the stairs into the living room, where she was sitting on the couch. "Hey," she gave me a smile. "Do you want me to take you home?" I asked her. "Yes please," Ali replied. So I walked over to grab my car keys from the front table. Ali went to my mom and gave her a hug and said thank you. "The popovers were to die for, Mrs.Fields!" Ali told her. I knew my mom would like that she liked her popovers, she always served them for special occasions.
We walked out into the cool night to my car. It was kind of awkward being alone with Ali, only because there was so much I had to say. I wonder if she is ever going to say anything about the kiss that took place at our sleepover the other night. I wonder if it meant anything to her. I also wondered what it meant to me. This girl is my first love, my first heartbreak. Thinking she was dead for two years really hurt, but not as bad as she hurt me. I wonder if what she said the night of the kiss was true, that my feelings weren't just one-sided. My mind was just full with wonders, and what ifs.
At first the car ride was silent, until Ali finally spoke. "Hey Em?," the blonde turned her head to look at me. I glanced at her before returning my eyes back to the road. "Yeah?" "I want to talk to you about something," She paused for a brief second before adding, "About the kiss."
I didn't really expect Ali to bring up the kiss, so I was taken by surprise for a moment, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach, maybe from being nervous. I waited for her to go on, but she continued to wait for my response. I put the car in park when I arrived to her house. We sat in the dark car for a minute. "Did it mean anything to you?" I asked her. She looked right into my eyes, and I could see the Ali I saw on the night she confessed her feelings. The one who looked broken, and vulnerable, nothing like she did before she 'died'. "I like you Em. I like you as more than a friend, and I will always regret for making you think I didn't," Ali said. She looked me straight in the eyes, and for some reason I could tell she wasn't lying. "Then why did you act like you didn't? It really hurt me," I needed to ask this, it has been on my mind a lot. Ali unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned closer towards me. "Because I was afraid. I was afraid of people judging me. I tried my best to deny my feelings for you, but I can't anymore. I didn't realize how much I must've hurt you until after I was gone, and it was hard to stay away knowing that. I know now that I don't care what other people would think," Ali said. "And you didn't seem to think about how I felt back then? About people judging me?" I asked. "Em, that was the old me, I promise," Ali said. Her voice sounded desperate, like the night when she tried to kiss me before the news broadcast. "Then what's the new you?" I just looked into her blue eyes, and she leaned in to kiss me. It was just a peck, but after she starting running her fingers through my hair and gave me a small smile. I leaned in to kiss her back, and as I did I could smell her sweet scent I always loved and feel her warm breath on me. All my thoughts were interrupted as our lips latched on to each other. Her lips were soft and gentle, and the kisses were small but soon they felt more persistent, more URGENT even. Ali started to put her hand up my shirt, and I let her. This moment felt right to me.
After about 10 minutes, I gently broke apart to breathe. "I think you should go in now, it's late and my mom is probably wondering where I am," I said to Ali. "Bye Em, thank you for tonight. It was good," Ali said as she smiled to me. She gave me a peck before getting out of the car. I watched the blonde as she walked inside her house, and before she went in, she waved to me. I waved back and gave a small smile before backing out of the Dilaurentis driveway to go home.
I couldn't sleep that night. I laid there replaying the same scenes over and over in my head: the awful dinner moments with Hanna, and the after dinner with Ali. Mostly Ali. If I did get in a relationship with her, I wondered what my friends would say. The girls knew I had feelings for Ali, but what they didn't know was that she had them for me too and I never even told them about the kisses before. I kept that between me and Ali. I also worried about how Paige would react and how much baggage Ali carries with her. I want to believe she has changed, I really do and I think I could see she has. I remember that she has been through a lot, and me and the girls probably don't know all of it. Thoughts flooded my mind as I listened to the sound of the crickets outside. How could being with Ali feel so perfect and right in the moment, but I think bad thoughts when I'm not with her?
