"Its not that I dont want to be happy,It's dispite how hard I try I can't bring myself to me happy.I feel soffocated,embarrassed,ashamed. Why did I have to be this way.I have a great family, amazing friends,Good Academic results, On paper everthing is ok.Yet all I ever seem to see is sadness and grey.Its like there is this burden on me,pulling me to the ground,and however hard you try you can't bring myself out,I cant bring myself to care.About anything not me ,not him,not her Living has become this consant nightmare and its just not fair.Society will tell me to try yoga,go for a walk , listen to meditation. I tell them that this cannot be solved by exercise or meditation.Its a disease that affects ever aspect of my life ,my work,my relationships, my education,And to this day despite my best efforts to explain, I am always met with blind hesitation. People ask me " why are you sad ?" I tell them I dont know.I dont know, what I do know is that I woke up everyday feeling absolute shit and that's become my normal .I'm afraid of the world,I'm afraid of putting my guard down in the fear that I will be judged for something I cant control.Where's the fairness of it all? Do you thing I like to watch myself fall? Into this hole of self hate,shame and loathe?So I hide them and I put up a wall that so high you will never see my pain or any of my flaws.I create this character and she is perfect she is invincible and so i carry these two lives, one for the public and one for me late night.Cause that's easier then admitting you have a problem and that's the problem .The stigme is real people and it will not go away until we realise that mental heaath is a big deal.Its a hidden. disease that affects so many live. Wake up and listen to the silent cries.Its a kid who never speaks or a guy who is always tired ,the woman who is to emotional or the guy who just got fired.Cos he was absent alot he couldn't get out of bed due to his mental heatj, but do you thinknany of his colleages know that? Of course not.
Depression is the hell inside me and it eats me up daily
