Heartbreak hurts no matter what, wether it was a short, romantic fling or a long-term, passionate relationship, but the raw realization that somebody doesn't want you anymore will fuck you up and change you in ways that you didn't think was possible.
And no matter what anyone tells you, there is no easy way to get over it - and some people don't, some people never get over losing the one person that they love more than themselves, they just learn to live with the never ending thoughts that consume them.
"why wasn't i enough?"
"what did i do wrong?
"what changed?"
Truth be told nothing you could have done could of changed what happened, and nothing you did caused it. some people aren't meant to stay in your life, some people are meant to come find you when you're lost, and need somebody the most, but they're not meant to stay - no matter what people say, or how they phrase it, nobody will be able to take the pain away, nobody will ever be able to stop you from sobbing in your bedroom at 2am wondering where it all went wrong, and there is absolutely no point in asking him "why?", because you're never going to get a real answer and it's scary, just how much a single person can flip your world upside down and make you feel things with so much intensity it makes your tummy turn, but then also crush your heart so easily and all you can do is watch while the dust falls from their fingertips.
A broken heart is so beautiful, but so tragic at the same time and im aware that it sounds terribly twisted, but it's the truth, the mind works in mysterious ways and it's crazy that the mind psychologically tends to remember scents more than anything else, more than sight and more than touch - so that's why, when you catch yourself remembering his aftershave when he pulled you into his chest, or why sleeping on his side of the bed, with his pillow that still smells exactly the same way he did will bring you more comfort than you realized.
The memories will the be the worst, and they'll find you at night, while you're laid in the darkness of your room alone - wondering why he isn't here with you, why his arm isn't wrapped around your shoulders and why your fingers can't play with his - that's when they'll hit you. the laughs, the fights, the way he span you around your kitchen while you made him breakfast or the way he would kiss you on the forehead, then your nose and then your lips to wake you up. you'll remember every "i love you," and you'll remember everytime he told you to "be safe." everything will come at once, and it will hit you in the chest and make you want to scream because it is so fucking overwhelming. and it'll happen every night, every night you'll remember something new - but just as heartbreaking. and every night you will feel your heart shatter again, and every night you will cry, and scream, and beg him to come back even though you know he can't hear you.
Your mind plays tricks on you, that's the sad truth, you'll find yourself remembering the way his car smelt, and then you'll go on to remember the memories you made in that car, the nights you spent at 11pm, driving down the motorway blasting out music he said "reminded him of you".
You're going to wish you never met him, even though everybody knows that's the biggest lie you've told, you're going to wish you regretted everything you had and everything you did with him, but you wont. And you're going to hate it, it's scary how much a person can change your life in such a short amount of time. And you'll never really understand it until you experience something so real and so raw that at 3am, you feel his fingertips trail down your spine as you're laid on his side, crying. you're going to hear him laugh, despite him not being there and you're going to want to puke whenever somebody says "you're over reacting," or, "everything happens for a reason", so just do it. you're not over reacting and you're not obsessed, you're in love. you're in love with a man that you cant have anymore and the worst part about it was that you did have him, and you were so undeniably happy that without him you feel empty, and you're in pain, physical pain that you feel will never ever end, and you want it to, you want to forget all the pain, but you want to remember him, you want to cling onto the memories you made and the way he said your name, you're going to want to hold onto every text he sent you and everytime he made you laugh. And it's the worst.
You're going to want to find any and every excuse to text him, just so you can talk to him, so he remembers you on the off chance that he will realize just how much he needs you too, and it's gonna break your heart all over again when you realize that you shouldn't, and then you don't.
Eventually, with time, you'll come to the realization suddenly when you see him talking about his music with that glimmer in his eyes he gets when he talks about something he loves and you just won't feel it. You won't even realize it until you don't have the urge to stare at the way his lips move and the way his lips will curve into the little half smile he does.
At that point, you'll see that you could live without him. There will be times you'll see him with other girls or people will bring up what the two of you had and claim they know "exactly what happened" and it'll be so fucking infuriating and you'll want to go through the stage of crying whenever you see him again, but you don't, because you know he's not what you deserve.
And although you know you don't deserve it, and you've come to know your self-worth, it won't mean you're over him, sometimes people aren't meant to get over loosing the love of their life - it's like grieving somebody that's still alive, living their life and the only difference is their life isnt you anymore.
But at the end of the day, he's just a person, and you will meet hundreds and thousands of people in your life time, and you'll come to find that although he was your person, you'll be okay. you won't be over him.
but you'll be okay.
