00 | The feeling of self hate.
Does anyone feel like they don't belong in the place they are at? You feel unwanted, unloved.
Sometimes I just want to leave everyone and everything behind and be free. Move to a better place where I can escape from this nightmare.
But I can't. I can't escape because I'm trapped. I wake up reminded that I can't leave, there's no way out.
I can't stand looking at myself I'm the mirror. I'm fat and I know it. That's why I started walking every morning.
I have self hate for myself. I know it's bad but I can't help it. The mirror is my enemy and it knows it. I avoid looking into it every morning. It's a curse. A curse that I have to live with.
They say starving yourself will doing nothing, but I know it can do something.
My skin have bumps on them that leaves reminders that I'm not beautiful. No clean and clear, no noxzema can clear it. I'm trapped in a body that I no longer want to be in.
Maybe if I get sick and not eat everything will go back to normal. Maybe if I run off a cliff and let go I'll be free. But it comes with a price. Freedom is never free, but Is costly.
In some ways of never returning. Can I handle it? I don't know, but I want to be free. Nothing Is more miserable than waking up and looking in the mirror.
Why can't it all just stop.
