Life

What Happened To The Old Me?

What happened to the old me?
I was never like the way I am now.
What happened to the old me ?
Not once did I care about what anything or anyone had to think about me.

What happened to the old me?
I'd laugh at the lamest things and not care about what anyone thinks.

What happened to the old me?
I'd be my crazy self and love and laugh at every thing .
I'd have a twinkle in my eye at all times and a crinkle with every smile.
I'd be  wierd even if no one liked me and still be contented at life .
I'd have fun and be nice to the meanest of them even if I was hurting deep down inside.
I used to be " smart".
I'd be the strongest version of myself and instead of tears and crying there would it be smiles and laughing.
I'd love everything and everyone,
I'd be happy and feel just right with all my decisions.

What happened to the old me?

But now it's simply not the same
I care about each knife cutting word said to me .
I have social anxiety , walking in to a room being scared of being judged.
I hate being hated .
I try to please everyone but not myself.
I'm never contented and don't feel good enough at anything.
I beat myself down at every thing.
I am no longer truly happy.
I am self conscious and have a low self esteem.
I have no one to talk to as everyone has left .
I'm insecure at every thing I put out, to every little detail.
I think I'm gaining weight.
I don't feel like a good person despite not doing anything wrong.
I feel like I am to blame for any little thing even when I haven't done anything.
I am not Smart  but a very very stupid person always and everyone has lost their fate in me and I too have lost the persistence within myself.
I feel defined in my  poor actions and not what I have accomplished as a person.
I have flipped personas 180° and I do not know when or why.
I am no longer who I used to be.
What happened to the old me?