Time (Ethan Dolan)

Chapter 50 - The Lost Diary

I sat in my room staring at the ground. It had been three days since the building incident. Carson died as soon as she reached the bottom of the building. They had said that she died quickly, that it was painless death. But, it wasn't painless. Because I still felt pain. The unbearable kind of pain. Nothing felt right anymore. I was so lost.

I hadn't gone back to school yet. I was afraid. Afraid of getting weird stares. Afraid of doing routines without Carson. I knew it meant lonely walks home. Adventuring alone. I guess... Carson's death meant I was going to be alone for a long time.

"Ethan?" I hear from the other side of my door.

"Yes." I reply.

"You have a visitor." My mom states.

I get up and I answer the door. Hazel stood next to my mom with a small smile.

"I'll leave you two alone." With that my mom left Hazel and I alone.

I gesture her to come in and she does. She stood in middle of room.

"You have a nice room." She smiles.

"Thanks." I mutter.

Hazel looks me up and down. "You look well."

"I'm not really."

She nodded. "Of course you're not."

I stare at her blankly and she leans on my desk.

"Ethan, I'm sorry about-"

"Don't say her name." I whisper. "Please."

She nods. "I know you loved her a lot."

"Why are you here?"

Hazel looks at the ground as tears fell from her eyes. She shrugged and quickly wiped them away.

"Because I love you." She cried. "I'm sorry that you feel this way. I'm sorry you lost someone you cared about."

I tried to hold back everything. I was about to burst. I was so angry. But... I was also so sad.

"You should go." I whisper. "I-I can't do this right now."

Hazel looked up at me. "I stole this." She says placing a book on my desk. "They were cleaning out her locker and I managed to get it. I hope this will make you feel a tiny bit better."

Hazel places a small diary on my desk. She puts her bag back on before she leaves. I pick up the diary and I open it up. Carson's messy handwriting filled the once empty pages. I drop it and I sit on my bed.

And then I started to cry. And I was so happy that I was because, I hadn't been able to feel anything in so long. Her absence was killing me. It stabbing me in the chest. It's only been three fucking days. How am I meant to get by the rest without her?

I pick up the book and I put it at the back of my wardrobe. I'll read it one day.

Or maybe I won't.