The House in the Lake

The Storm

So, about two more weeks passed by in perfect bliss, but as I have realised we are now nearing to the end of the month, my mood isn't as good. You know why, I bet. Two questions are nagging at me all the time. One. Do I want to kill him? Two. And regardless of what I want, should I kill him, or not?

Ok! Three questions. What is in the box is the third one, but this one doesn't perturb me as much. It excites my curiosity even more, but I can make it stop. At least, temporarily. The other two are getting louder and louder, the more I try to force them to shut up.

Funnily enough, when I'm in Lugh's hug, or when we are having sex, they disappear. Thankfully, he always has me sleeping in his hug, for I don't really know if I could sleep at all these days otherwise.

The other odd thing that happens lately is that he leaves me alone and shuts himself in his room every now and then, during the day. The first time this happened, I thought I had insulted him, or annoyed him, in some way. So, what did I do?

First, I got angry at him, and started swearing and yelling at him, in my mind. Then, I realised that I was not really angry at him. I was scared, instead. And on accepting this fact, I ran towards his room to ask what I had done, and apologise. But when I was ready to open the door, I realised one more thing.

He had heard everything!

Now, think about that. He takes good care of me, in every possible way. He gives me only love, and lots of it. Then, I did or said something to insult him, or something, and on top of that, I "said" all these awful things. And even worse? I have said similar things, over and over again, all these years I have been planning to come and kill him. So, he would be certain I meant everything. That was so very awful and unjust on my part!

I, the hypocrite, came here to punish him for his crimes, and I am committing such a horrible crime against him. Yes, you'll think that killing him is a much more horrible crime, but this, if I end up doing it, will be a just punishment on him. It's a very different thing!

Ok! I admit it. It sounds crazy, but it makes sense in my mind!

Anyway! So, I don't know if I would have had the strength to open his door, but he opened it himself and, in his very soft and gentle voice, he asked me if I had calmed down. And then he hugged me. And then he told me he wasn't angry or anything – without me asking him. And then he told me he had thought he should leave me alone for a little while. And then we made love. Ok! Irrelevant, but we did.

So, anyway, he's been doing that the last three days and he hasn't given me an explanation as to why he does it. But I think I know. He is leaving me alone to think about the two annoying questions and what I should do. Fortunately, he never stays alone in his room for too long.

Unfortunately, right now, he is there and I'm alone. And I'm not in the house. I am still on the rock, though, almost where I left my boat. So, it's alright. It doesn't nullify the oath. I did this yesterday, too. When I returned back to the porch, Lugh came running to me, hugged me, and said, "Thank you for not leaving!"

I did think this was very sweet of him, but he should have been even happier if I had left. Right? He would have been safe if I had done so! In any case, I don't intend to leave, and hopefully, today he knows that.

So, I'm sitting at the edge of the rock, playing with the water and thinking. I may be wrong, but no matter what, I can't imagine Lugh being so cruel as to ask for the lives of eighteen people, for no reason at all. He did say he didn't need their lives, for any reason. Of course, this happened five thousand years ago, so he may have been a different person back then.