Baby,
V-O-Mn- Be-P Mn-P-Sc Al-H-Na-B Al-B-Mg-F-Na-B Mn-P-Sc K-P Al-Sc-Li-O?
3 year and 6 months and 9 hours since the day I broke our relationship for unknown reasons for me. I still remembered your nonstop why. I still remembered your nonstop we don't have to do this cause we were okay. I still remembered our vivid memories. Our one month and few days being together. And I still remembered the day I broke down before I ended our relationship.
I love you enough to stay but the truth I have, I can't take it. It can't even process my mind. I can't even accept those facts. I know I am so selfish that time. I know I'm so pathetic right now but if ever I had a time travel I will do the same thing even it cost of losing you again. I love you enough to sacrifice my happiness and greed. I know I'll become greedy if I won't let you go and I don't want that to happened.
I choose, ---- you to hate me and I think I am successful for that. You don't want to talk to me. You don't want to hear any of my shits. You don't even want to see me. I'm fucking successful yet I can't be happy. I can't because I dont have you.
You're the world to me, and I thank God to know you on my darkest part. I thank him too much, thats why I think, I had to know the truth afterwards and I can't handle it.
The world that I thought is okay become upside down. I am back to square one. I am back to the things I don't want to remember and the pain I avoid, it now coming slowly but more painful this time.
I love you, but I don't want you to despise me for knowing me throughout my mess. I don't want you to pity me for whatever happened. I don't want you to lost respect. I don't want you to become strange. I don't want to lost you completely.
And I did.
She said, "Masaya na si Ejay." "Huwag ka nang manggulo." "Hindi ka na niya kailangan." "Hindi ko ibibigay sayo number niya." "Wag ka na magtetext." Its just a month after our break up. Why does it sting? Why do I need to be hurt like this? To triple the pain I already had? Why does I think to have you back knowing I can't, not now.
Ejay, I know never mong malalaman ang totoong dahilan ng pakikipaghiwalay ko sayo. Pero sa isang bagay lang ako nagsinungaling sayo noon. Wala akong ibang mahal gaya ng sinabe ko sayo noon. Wala. Ikaw lang talaga. Alam ko naman na mahirap nang paniwalaan pero never akong sumuko sayo. Never akong sumuko dahil mahal kita simula noong una tayong nagkita magpasa hanggang ngayon. I am still trying my best kung saan kita unang nakita at kung bakit pamilyar kana nang nagkita tayo nang gabing iyon sa munisipyo. Kung bakit we already friends on facebook. I still am trying.
Sabi mo, Hindi ka masaya ngayon, gulong-gulo ka, pakiramdam mo walang nagmamahal sayo at pakiramdam mo nandyan lang pag no choice na. Kaso hindi mo magawang sagutin mga tanong ko. I know, part of your sadness was because of your late father.
I want to tell you this, not because I'm assuming it was for me but to clear my intentions. Yes, I am still deeply and madly in love with you. I respect your previous relationship that is why no chats no likes and nothing come from me for the past three years. I can't stand knowing your madly in love with someone else. I can't take it. I was in deep pain for the last two years and counting of your relationship with her. I want to throw some party because finally you're free but you know what's funny? I can't even be happy. I know how painful it was for you to know her shits behind your back. And then a few months ago you had another break up for the another girl you told me you like then your father died. I am there I saw it throughout your eyes. You are in pain even though you had your phone and chatting with your girl. Your friends do silly things, I find it cute cause they want to lighten the mood. I saw you laugh and smile a little but why can't I see it into your eyes? I find it strange cause I am not a type of people who can see what is true through eyes. Funny right? I want to stay but I can't stand what I've heard. I didn't know your in a relationship already that fast. I really don't know. I pity myself that time it feels liked I was pushing myself into you.
