i can't love you

9

dannys POV
"heyyyyyyyyyyy michelle"  i say in a pitchy awkward voice and roy grabs my hand under the table "relax" he whispers to me "so" michelle starts "are you serious?" she asks "what?" roy replies "you two, are you two serious or was it just..you know a fling" she asks "uh serious" i answer "huh" she says raising an eyebrow "what?" i ask "its just, roy you're so responsible, respectable and hardworking, you're drag is perfectly polished and you are very respectful, especially on tour. you didnt get all wild and fucked up every night. danny, you're irresponsible, you have messy, lazy drag and you have a lot of demons. on tour you nearly died. you two are polar opposites, danny is completely irresponsible and you're drag is so lazy it makes me sick. roy is the most responsible queen out there next to jinkxy and you're drag is nicely polished. danny is very bad for you roy" michelle says, almost as if im not even here "i-" i begin "danny you know i love you, you're like my child. but thats the issue. you're like a CHILD." she says and i feel myself tearing up, i knew she thought my drag was messy, but i didnt know she thought all  of this of me. "im hardworking michelle." i tell her "are you really though?" she asks "YES he is" roy steps in "look i didnt want this to turn into a whole thing, but i just think that you two are going to have to talk about this to the public soon. and i feel like you two shouldn't be you two. roy you're career was thriving you cant let it be slowed down" she continues. i slam my hand down to pick up my phone and get up storming to the bathroom "michelle what the fu-" i hear roy saying as i walk into the bathroom. i stare at myself in the mirror, is she right? am i just slowing down roy? if i stall his career i wouldn't forgive myself. i've been selfish, i cant be with him. for once i have to think about something other than myself. but it fucking hurts.

5 minutes later roy walks into the bathroom and sees my tear stained face "danny i-" roy l walking over to encase me in a hug but i stop him and step back "roy i cant do this" i tell him letting more tears slip from my eyes "w-what?" roy stutters "michelle was right. im slowing you down. you dont need me as a distraction" i tell him "no no no danny dont do this, dont do this to me danny please" roy begs and i feel like ive just been stabbed 10 times in the heart "im sorry roy" i mutter trying to stop more tears for falling roy walks towards me and grabs hold of my hands "danny please" he begs tears freely falling from his eyes "roy you dont need me slowing you down" i tell him, half trying to convince myself what im doing is right "yes i do need you !" roy shouts making me flinch, i pull him into a hug "im sorry roy" i whisper into his ear before pulling back and planting a kiss on his lips, "i'm so sorry" i say again before prying his hands off of mine and start to walk towards the door "danny.." roy practically whispers encased in sobs "roy i dont want to do this, i love you more than ive ever loved anyone ever, and thats why i have to let you go." i tell him, "i love you" is the last thing i say, this is the last time i plan on speaking to him since i hope he'll just forget all about me, so i wanted my last words to be meaningful and they are, because i do love him. i quickly leave the bathroom and my eyes meet michelles, she sees my puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks and her face is smeared with guilt, she clearly hear roy shout. "danny.." she starts as she walks over to, im frozen in place still. ive never seen roy as broken as he just was, but he'll be greatful later, right? "you were right michelle!" i say to her bitterly "he's better off without me" i say and feel the tears start again so i quickly run out wiping me eyes "danny im sorry!" i hear her say however it was very faint since i was practically already outside. i need to get drunk.

i dont want to go to the club because i know ill end up doing something,someone, ill regret. i decide ill go to the next best thing. sharon and alaskas place.

i knock on the door and dont stop knocking until they answer "what the fuc-danny?" sharon says angrily but her voice softening once she sees my state "dont ask any questions" i say and push past her "oh hey dan-are you okay?" alaska asks but i just ignore her. i go straight to their cellar and grab all the alcohol i can fit in my bag and go back up to the pair who both seem VERY confused, "ill pay you back later i promise" i tell them and go to leave but sharon steps infront of the door "danny we arent letting you spiral again" alaska says and i just glare at him, i dont know why i feel so much rage boiling up out of nowhere "LET ME OUT SHARON!" i scream, i expected an angry response back but i get the opposite, sharon just pulls me into a hug and i break down. sobbing louder and harder than i ever have, justins come over and pulls me to the couch "tell us what happened" he says rubbing my shoulder "roy" is all i can manage to breathe out and the two just share a look with eachother "come on, spill everything" sharon basically demands and i do. i tell them everything, from our first kiss, to..our last.
"im going to kill michelle" is all hear sharon mutter before she storms off to her room, probably to call her. but it doesnt matter, im doing whats best for roy. "danny you and roy were made for eachother, it's obvious, you complete eachother" alaska tells me "i cant be in the way of his success. i love him more than anything in the world. but i had to do it, for him" before i know it me and alaska and sharon had been talking all night. but im still unconvinced.