Fate/Laoch Gan Finsceal

Chapter 12: Lies of Love and Memory

FATE/LAOCH GAN FINSCEAL

"Hero Without Legend"

Chapter 12: Lies of Love and Memory

Another dream.

This one was nowhere near as scary as the previous nightmare, but Connla found herself standing within a sea of beautiful glittering stars, completely isolated from anyone in the outside world. There was no one else around to keep her company, yet she didn't mind. She just stood there in a languid daze, feeling her spirit get lost in the marvelous imaginary space surrounding her. She thought about her parents and teacher, reflecting upon just what sort of influence they really were to her.

I asked Leonidas if it was okay for me to love Mother when she manipulated me so. After seeing Father become so rabid, I think I know my answer.

Connla held her spear before her, staring at the blade as it reflected the countless twinkling dots. Her haphazard feelings gradually concentrated themselves into comprehensible words.

Mother never loved me. Father has always seen me as an obstacle. Teacher only cared about my fighting prowess.

Tiny comets streaked by in the distance.

I am a weapon. A tool of destruction for others to use. I have no opinions or emotions.

Connla gazed into the distance, where a brand new figure materialized with her back facing her. The hair color and style were the same as hers albeit long enough to reach her legs, along with an identical of the leaf-bladed spear she held. However, this was a woman in about her early to mid 20s wearing a skin tight mint green bodysuit and metallic plates over her shapely spine, hips and legs. A white bolero covered her arms, and she sported earrings similar to Cuchulainn's. The mystery woman did not look back at Connla, yet she felt a strong connection to her.

So that was my future. No matter if I died at seven or 27 years old, I would have lived as a weapon. I doubt I would have even been allowed basic human rights – just fight, fight and fight until my body gave out. That's what everyone wanted me to be back then. That's what the World wants me to be now. My past, present and future are all the same thing.

Such thinking would have broken lesser men. For Connla however, it brought calm to her anxious heart.

What a fool I am. Here I was trying to look for love, and it never existed in the first place. It's just a fabrication to make people feel better. No one in my life loved me as a person. Mother and Father only cared about fashioning me into a fearsome warrior, and Teacher served to hone those skills further. Even now, Father still only sees me as an opponent to defeat. There's no concept of family between us whatsoever.

The adult Connla silently turned around to face her younger self. Even though their brown eyes looked different between youth and adulthood, the same chilly cadence was there.

If it's the truth, no matter how cold it may be, I must accept it. To deny it is to reject the way of the world, which leads to delusion and heartbreak.

The two walked towards each other. The adult kneeled down so she was at the child's height, and they pressed their palms together. They continued staring into each other's eyes, not saying a word.

I will reject the lie of love. Once I throw away what is unnecessary, I will be free of burden, and can fight without restraint.

The older Connla's body shone a bright green, then transformed into sinewy threads that enveloped her younger self like how a silkworm would wrap its silk into wads. The threads eventually disappeared, leaving the child alone in the void.