It genuinely breaks my heart to know that some of the people who deserve the absolute most in the world, don't have anything. That the people who matter the most to me, go to bed at night thinking that they aren't enough. That they don't matter. I have had people that have been nothing but a ray of sunshine in my darkest times, but can not seem to find their own. Who can't seem to get out out the darkness. This is for you.
Unfortunately, i cant give you an exact date and time of when you will be happy again. I can't tell you how or when you'll know that you are, or if you'll get everything that you're hoping you will. I'm still looking for those answers too. I wish i could tell you though, because sometimes i think that would make holding on a little bit easier. All i know is, nothing in life is constant except change. The seasons change, just as the size of our feet and the length of our hair. Did you know that every single cell in your body replaces itself every seven years? That means that seven years from now, you will literally become a new person. Nothing old left behind. This sadness is going to replace itself, and something good will take its place. I know it's harder to believe than not, but you're gonna be happy again. This stuff, this sadness and pain and these gray clouds and rain that you can't seem to wish away no matter how many times that you sing that "rain rain go away" song that we all sang when we were kids, it'll be gone one day. So i'm here to tell you to hold on. I'm here to tell you that this life thing, it's kind of important. I don't know if you ever realized this, but you literally have all of eternity to be dead. There's a reason that you keep waking up to tomorrow you know, even if you don't know what that is yet. It might take some changes, some self care, and some hard work, but you'll get there. You deserve every single thing that you want in this life. Things just take time.
Oh, and before i go i wanted to tell you. I give a shit, about your life. And i'm sorry for the ways that you've been broken. And i'm sorry for the ways that you hurt. It's a funny thing, pain. Some days you just have to force yourself to keep getting out of bed in the morning until you find an actual reason to. And others, you lay in bed and cry until you can't cry any more. I'm here to tell you that it's okay, if you're not really managing it. Or if you are but it's getting a little bit too hard and you aren't sure how much longer you'll be able to. But listen closely, and I mean this with every single bone in my body: this pain will subside. It likes to trick us into thinking that since we've been broken, we'll never be fixed (it's a lie by the way).
Either way, the answers that you're hoping to find in life, i'm looking for them too. We'll find them some day.
