Jasmin

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

I had to get back to the city for a few shifts at the diner I was scheduled for. I didn't get many as Marleens niece was off from college and needed the money more than a little 15 year old. Mostly Christmas was spent with Marcus and the pack. Getting to know his parents was hard. I still didn't like his dad.

Marcus has to go spend a lot of time with Segenam, I still think the whole eye thing was stress related. The whole thing started with trying to tell me he was a wolf. I was there when he went to the Medicine mans house to explain his eyes were back to normal. That was an awkward conversation with a sixty something year old man. Another council meeting, to show that he was normal. That was done fast as we walked in, said he was ok and that should anything else happen the pack would be informed immediately, as having a crazed wolf around was not ok. They are giving him the benefit of the doubt now.

Christmas was the best thing that I could ever imagine. Waking up with Marcus. Yes still in PJ's. We had a tree and gave each other presents. He gave me a ring. Its a promise ring, I am in grade 10. And I gave him a carving kit.

We had a huge lunch with the pack at the Cultural Centre and people treated me really well. Not perfect, as many do not understand why I would be there, but most were super accepting. I think doing kitchen prep and dishes for four hours until Marcus and David dragged me and Sherri out of the kitchen may of helped.

I went to Gretta's after school started and found out she was moving in February to her new place. I told her all about my own plans and helped her with organizing the house. She even told Pat that she had a student from the local High School come to clean and pack for her, for school credits or something. Pat came over and we all ate supper together once and she is a great lady. I think Gretta will be fine.

I have been seeing Segenam sometimes too, Eric takes me and the three of us talk about my ordeal. Seg says I am almost balanced. Whatever that means. But I need to work on my spirit. I need to see my mother.

I remember seeing her Facebook account when I was searching my past and so I start there. She is so pretty, she has two kids and she looks happy. I stare at her page for a long time, reading everything on it. Until I get to a post from a few years ago. One about a lost daughter, and going to her grave for her birthday every year.

I stare at this and think about it. I mean it was an old post, almost three years to be exact. She may of stopped. Yet Segenam said I would get a 'sign' or something when I needed to do this and to watch for it. My birthday is in a week. Marcus is all for it, says he will be with me every step of the way.

He is so much stronger than me, he never stopped, he kept looking for me for years until he found me, he is just so solid.I agree and start praying she wont be there.

The drive takes hours. Andrew lent us his truck and Marcus used funds from the last Christmas market. We drove to a small town close by and spent the night in a really small but clean motel. The next morning we follow the map I printed of to the small cemetery. I am bundled up, actually it is so cold even Marcus is dressed pretty warmly and he and his friends never seem to feel the cold. I find a large board in the middle of the cemetery that kinda maps out where people are buried on little name tags. It takes me and Marcus five minutes trying to read all the little names to find where my plot should be located. I thought of seeing my mom is one thing but this is getting really morbid. I am looking for my grave, the grave of eight year old Tina Frisen.

We trudge through the snow and dust off three stones before we find one with my name, well my old name. Everyone still calls me Jasmin. I am Jasmin. I need to still be Jasmin.

No, no one is there. We could tell that just by driving by, the place is small and there are were no cars when we got here. Staring at the placard makes me shake. This is awful. I knew I was listed as dead, no one could survive in the forest in the dead of winter, with wild animals and such let alone the cold. I don't blame anyone for it. It made things so much easier for me I guess. I was alright reading the article again, well skimming, as I was scared to really read it. I was doing well with my mothers Facebook page and pictures, I was even fine standing in the snow in a cemetery looking at a tiny name plate. Now I am not okay.

I realize I am kneeling in the snow with Marcus wrapped around my back staring at a grave. My grave! "My little angel" Engraved below my name. "Shhhhhh" is whispered in my ear and I realize I am crying. I stop, once I noticed. Deep breaths, understand what is so hard to get through.

I mourn the child I once was, she did die that day. I am new. Born in the dead of winter with a wolf beside me. Sitting in the snow now with him brings me full circle.

Eventually, Marcus stands up behind me and slowly walks away to the other end of the cemetery, just strolling around in twenty below weather through a graveyard. It makes me smile, just a bit. I turn back to the grave and remember all the great things I can about being that girl, there were some great memories I had lost. I try to hold on to the smell of my mother baking cookies, or walking to school with my friends. My favourite colours, and toys.

"Excuse me." I look up, see a woman all bundled up against the cold. An old teddy bear in her arms. A man a few steps behind her. They must of just gotten here. I realize that was why Marcus walked away. He must of heard them. I stand and really look, she is prettier than her pictures. I look at the old teddy bear in her arms.

"You brought Eilonwy." I smile at the woman who is my mother, "I loved that silly old movie."

The End