Time (Ethan Dolan)

Chapter 55 - The Big Help

Night fell and I stared into the dark outside my window. I had felt like all the emotion had been drained from me. Like all the crying I have done, never happened. Nothing was left in me. I couldn't feel. And I missed feeling sad. It sure as hell beats feeling nothing. It beats feeling numb.

I make my bed then clean my room. I pick the lock on my window, eventually getting it open. The cold hit me straight away, but it felt good. When I reach the ground I put my cold hands in my pockets. Like always the streets lights guided my way. Tonight no stars were out. Not even the moon. Grey clouds filled the sky, causing it to be darker than usual.

When I reach the building I stare at the ladder.

Ladies first.

I close my eyes as I hold onto the bar. Trying to remember Carson. I had forgotten her voice and I was close to forgetting what she had looked like. Which nearly saddened me. But, like I said... I couldn't feel a damn thing. The building had become a stranger to me. Because it was a place I tried to forget.

I begin to climb to the top. And when I reach it, the bright lights shined onto my face. I smiled. I smiled because I could almost feel as if she was here. Like the time we came after prom. Like the times we would talk for hours about problems we thought would never be fixed.

My eyes were on lights as I moved closer to the edge. The wind blew softly. I felt at peace. Like it was all going to be over soon. I close my eyes as the tears fall from my cheek. And I was about to leap off.

"This isn't what she wants." I hear behind me. "I know it."

"Why can't I just do this without being fucking interrupted." I mutter turning around.

I see Hazel. She stood in the darkness. Her fists were bawled and she looked almost angry.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I came to your house to see how you were doing, then I saw you jump out of your window."

I roll my eyes. "Go away."

"She wouldn't want you to do this!"

"You didn't fucking know her!" I yell stomping toward her. "Quit fucking telling me she wants. Nobody fucking knows what she wants, because she's dead." I whimper. "I killed her-"

"You didn't kill her-"

"No." I spit. "I did. It was my idea. She died because of me."

I walk to the edge and Hazel grabs my hand.

"You didn't read her diary." She cried. "Ethan, when you read it, I promise that this will make more sense.

"You read it?" I ask with anger.

She lets go of my hand and she looks at the ground. "I did. I was worried about you. And that was why I gave you the diary. I knew it would make you feel better."

Tears streamed down my face. Hazel stared at me softly. "I know you think people don't understand. I know you're not okay. But I care about you so much." Hazel agonised. "Please don't do this."

She grabbed my hand and stared at me with pain in her eyes. I step away from the edge. Hazel pulls me in close. She held me tightly. I held her back and I cried. All she has ever done was help me and I always pushed her away.