Lily Potter VS Sirius Black

Sirius and Lily Prank War

It all started with Sirius spending just a tad too much time at the Potter’s. Lily complained to James, but he didn't care. It was his brother! She complained to Remus.
   “We have a baby now! Take him home with you!”
To which Remus would reply with, “Why don't you have him up your ass for a change?” Lily didn't find the joke very amusing. She decided to take matters into her own hands. She would make life so unbearable at the Potter's, Sirius would have to leave, right?

It started with simple things. She took the last bagel, his favorite breakfast.
   “Lily, you don't even like bagels!”
   “I just had a craving. Sorry!”

Then when Sirius found a book series he loved, she found the last book, read it and told him the ending.
   “Lily! How could you!”
   “I'm sorry, I just got so excited! At least they were together when they died!”

After she would make sure to use the last of the toilet paper right before Sirius, made his bed wrong every morning, and accidentally spilled raw eggs all over him, he started to think maybe he should go home for a while.

Then he heard Lily talking to little Harry.
   “We've almost got Uncle Paddy out of the house!”

This meant war.

He “accidentally” lost Lily's car keys.
   “Sirius, are you sure you haven't seen them?”
   “Oh, I'm sure.”

He accidentally put blue hair dye in her shampoo bottle. The blood curdling screams could be heard down the block.

Lily realized then that he was onto her, and was retaliating.

This meant war.

She charmed his pants so they'd fit too big. Then charmed his underwear a different color. When his pants fell down in Hogsmeade, she expected him to be embarrassed. However, he just walked right out of his jeans and strutted through in his hot pink boxers. Remus practically drooled, while James started to laugh. Lily just stood there with her jaw hanging open at how miserably her plan had failed.
   “Lily dear, close your mouth. You wouldn't want to catch THIS DICK!” He said swiveling his hips really fast, causing James to almost fall over laughing.

Finally Sirius began to miss home, and Lily was growing tired. She went and talked to Sirius a couple nights later.

   “I'm sorry I've been crowding you.” He said.
   “I'm sorry I didn't just tell you I wanted some space.”

The next week, the four friends and the baby Harry were eating at a pizza place.
   “This pizza is so gouda.” James said, a smirk on his face. Lily rolled her eyes.
   “What Lily? Are these jokes too saucy for you?”
   “I have a good joke,” Sirius spoke up. “Nevermind, it's too cheesy.”
   Lily whacked the man on the back of the head.
   “Nacho cup of tea, eh Lily?” Sirius said laughing.
   Remus then whacked him.
   “That's an insult to tea.” He said.
   Lily and Remus high five while James laughed at the giggling Harry.