collection one

; being trans ; surgery ; shots [ testosterone ] ; therapy ;

it's been 14 years of

Molding

and

Sculpting

and Cutting away

Creating

a perfect image in my head -

Hope

i almost forget

but i look to my right

and the mirror shows somebody else

than who i thought i was

in this society

there's a depressed

Perfect

Character

who is romanticized once they

Crumble, or a

rarely-has-bad-days

Freak

who is looked down on

and marked as

Selfish

for choosing to be

Happy

but we weren't created for other People

we are not Dolls

to be Twisted

and Turned

as an example of Failed Parenting

or lack of

Attention

and kept in a chest when they're done with us

there are times

when i'd rather be a depressed, perfect character

wrapped up in

Nice

Neat

Paper, limbs

stretched

at unnatural angles

and a cadaverous face

because that seems better than the alternative; a

Needle

in the leg once a

Week

heightened insurance

from surgery

planned for

Months

endless therapy appointments

and forms

as a

Precaution

which is Understandable

i guess

because some fake it

like it'll make them

Special

but it's nothing to want to Be

but i'd rather be okay with

Myself, than

Suffer to please

Others

because life is about

happiness

and well being

or at least

that's what all the

Happy People say

you know

the ones who have the

perfect family, the

Normal

family, where nobody is clawing at their Skin

because its too

Tight, or

paranoid that someone's going to

Attack them at

night

or in the middle of the

day

because they're

Oh

So

obviously Different

or faking it for

Attention

or Disobeying the word of

god

because god is

Never

wrong, but he

Must be

i almost forget

but i look to my right

and the mirror shows somebody else

than who i thought i was

ー 4.26.18