Daycare

✧15:Daichi✧

The realization of the true situation hit me like a freight train and right before my eyes everything was coming undone in imperfect concession.

Everything was processed through my brain all at once, like just a couple minutes earlier my brain had completely shut down but now it was back and running, slowing informing me of all the horrible mistakes I made. Mistakes that went beyond yelling at my ex-wife but rather relaying the man who was there to witness it and my son who stood between it.

Yelling at Kiyoko was the least of my problems. In fact, I felt no pity for her whatsoever because everything that I said was absolutely true. And had it not been for Koushi, I probably wouldn't have let her even take Tobio and I would have been able to sleep just fine knowing I didn't.

She had countless opportunities to call, text, fucking email but she chooses to do none of those things which not only violates the court ruling but isn't morally fair to Tobio or myself.

But it was beyond wasting my breath about now.

Now I had to deal with the fact that Koushi dismissed me so he could escort her away from my harsh words so she could leave with my son.

Now it was my turn to feel guilty and at fault.

My thumbs slightly shook as I tried to type out Asahi's number to let him know not to waste his time coming. While on the phone, I tried to be as vague as possible telling Asahi that I would tell him all the details some other time to which he hesitantly complied to. Asahi was never one to pry. I knew I had to have sounded like a wreck over the phone but he didn't mention anything about it.

Quickly, I did my best to regain my composure knowing that next I would have to face Tobio and I couldn't let him know that I was upset.

Dragging myself up the stairs to the boys' room which he ran up to a little while after his mother stepped foot inside. Mentally, I hoped that he didn't hear me yelling from up here but if he did I guess it wouldn't be that bad.

Tobio was a bright boy so I wasn't worried about it. He would probably act more mature about the situation than I was.

I let my knuckles rise up to the white painted wood that closed off Tobio's world from mine and softly knocked three times. The knocks were not answered but the door swung open revealing the small boy.

A small smile that didn't quite seem quite too genuine appeared on his face as he looked up at me.

"Is Shoyou here now?" he questioned, his small voice filled with empty hope.

Now it was my turn to flash a fake smile. It was obvious that he knew what exactly was going on but he nor I had the desire to say it out loud.

Sighing, I let the artificial smile slip off my face. Tobio deserved better than that, he deserved the absolute truth. Hesitantly, I kneeled down so that I was face to face with the small boy in front of me and I placed my hands lightly on his shoulders.

I had what I wanted to say encased in my mind but it kept rephrasing itself in my mind. Knowing that it wouldn't take Koushi and Kiyoko that long to get the car together, I decided it'd be for the better for all of us if I put matters over mind.

"Actually buddy," pause, breathe in. "You're mom wants you to spend a couple of days with her." breathe out.

As the words came out of my mouth, I felt my eyes glue themselves to Tobio's face attempting to gauge his reaction. But, to my avail, there wasn't much to be reported. His face was blank.

He didn't look disappointed or sad or, god forbid, excited. The only way I could really describe the look to be was, thoughtful as if he was pondering the situation. His fingers nervously became entangled with each other and he rocked back and forth from the heels of his feet to the pads.

But just before I took his silence as a form of non-verbal compliance, he spoke up.

His voice was quiet, almost to the point where I couldn't hear him which was unusual for the boy but it was something.

"That's alright, I guess."

The words didn't have much emotion behind it.

"Tobio," I shook him lightly in an attempt to make sure his attention was on me," you know all you have to say it the word and I'll send her away and you can go over to Shoyou's"

He looked at me but didn't yet dare to speak.

"I know this is harder for you than me or her combined but you have to talk to me and let me know what you want and I'll support in whatever you want to do," I said, my voice growing uncontrollably desperate.

I needed him to know that he had the option. Not the option to pick sides or do what he thinks I would want him to do. At the end of the day, none of this was about me and it never was. From the day that Tobio was born, it wasn't about me and Kiyoko or Kiyoko. It was solely Tobio.

My feelings didn't matter. I would get my heart broken a thousand times over by Kiyoko or anyone else just to ensure that Tobio was here and happy and content. Loosening the grip on Tobio's shoulders I slowly started to stand back up, assuming that Tobio seemingly didn't have much to say on the matter.

I slowly started to inch my way from the boy, quickly telling him that his things were being packed into his mother's car before turning my back to him and proceeding to walk away. Behind me, as I walked away, I could hear his light footsteps as he followed me down the corridor.

The steps started at a walking tempo but gradually sped up to a jog and suddenly I felt a soft tug against my shirt.

The voice came before I was able to make out his face.

"I don't want to go," thank god, "but I will."

I opened my mouth to respond but he started talking again.

"Mr.Sugawara always says to give people a chance before judging them."

Mr.Sugawara, of course. A smile made its way onto my face but this time it was genuine. Without saying anything, I swooped down and collected the boy's small body in my arms giving him as big a hug as I could muster. He groaned in protest but the giggles that slipped through right after led me to believe that he was enjoying it.

But I knew we couldn't sit here and hug forever, even if I kind of wish we could. But I wouldn't say that out loud to him in fear of emotionally embarrassing both him and myself.

Hesitantly, I released him and briefly smiled down at him before mumbling a quick 'common. With that, the two of us made our way down the stairs and to the front door.

Through the windows next to the door, I could see the obvious silhouette of the grey-headed man making its way back to come into the house, leaving Kiyoko back at the car. Knowing just what was coming next, I decided it would be in my best interest to kneel down to Tobio and say my final goodbye before I sent him away for the weekend.

I quickly told him how proud I was of him and him how amazing he was. I tried to fit in just about everything I have ever said or wanted to say to him, acting almost as I'd never see him again.

As the door slowly came open, I refrained from saying too much more and settled on giving him a final hug, whispering another 'I love you' to him, standing right after not making eye contact with Koushi.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I watched Tobio shyly make his way over to the grey-haired man and embrace him in a short-lived hug before making his way outside.

Unintentionally silent, the two of us watched through the window. The atmosphere stayed continually silent until Kiyoko's car was just out of sight. Just as I got prepared to apologize profusely for, well, everything he opened his mouth.

With all the scary sad things that had happened today, Koushi's words came in a solid second.

Because he said, with what I could only assume to be disappointment.

"Listen," is how it started.

"I think I should go home now." is how it finished.

And it absolutely broke me.