“Please Edna, we are going to die!” Gage cried as I stuffed my face in her skirt, both of us on our knees begging. As it turns out, neither Gage nor I can make food that doesn’t consist of two slices of bread. I wouldn’t have minded a good sandwich, but they only had chicken lunch meat. Chicken! Who the flip puts cold chicken on bread?
Weirdo’s, that’s who! And to think that chicken and mayo is by own brother’s preferred sandwich? It makes me want to swap DNA strands with some random homeless man. Or Steve, the creepy bagel-burning old guy who hasn’t said a word to me over the past 16 years I’ve been to the stand he works at. Yeah, I would rather him be Ethan’s twin with all of his chicken-mayo crap than me.
“No, you are not going to die! You had breakfast this morning, so there is no possible way you will starve,” Edna rolled her eyes, prying my fingers off the fabric of her long pink and swooshy skirt.
“But were starving!” I wailed as I detangled myself from her swooshy skirt and gave her the big puppy eyes with the quivery bottom lip and everything.
“It’s not going to work,” Edna rolled her eyes at me in exasperation. But I did not admit defeat; I kept on staring and staring and staring.
Like a boss.
She won’t crack dumbass, Hellcat grumbled inside my head.
Oh shut yo face! I yelled mentally, going Ghetto on her furry ass.
I’m ignoring you, She muttered before fading back into the corners of my consciousness, having a nice little catnap.
Oh sure, I have to do all the work while she gets to sleep all day!
That big stupid furry stupid… Stupidhead! Yeah!
That’s a new word to add to the dictionary! Stupidhead, that shall be the word of the future!!! All the little babies of today shall be using my vocabulary in the future! Racing around in their little flying chrome convertibles talking about the new hottest diapers!
Wait… How did I get here when I was supposed to be giving Edna my deluxe Give-Me-Food-Or-I’ll-Die stare.
Gage had joined me, and after another good solid five minutes of this, Edna gave in.
“Fine!” she huffed, exasperated “I’ll make you food if you go shopping for me,”
Gage and I were up off of our knees in an instant.
“Yes!” We cheered and high fived. We both watched as Edna wrote us a shopping list; she ripped it from the pad in a sharp movement, gathered some money and handed both items to me.
“Oh Edna, my sweet, sweet Edna, you are an angle that has descended from heaven to fill our neglected bellies with decadent food!” I cried as I hugged her, as tight as I could. She made a weird gurgling sound, patted my back, and pried my arms away from her feeding-torso.
“Just, be back in two hours,” she told us sternly, but not as sternly as she normally was, she had this soft, affectionate look in her eyes.
Ahh, yes.
It is impossible to resist the amazingness that is Mica! Mental happy dance!
Oh yeah, uhhuh, Oh yeah, uhhuh, Oh Yeah…
We passed Ethan on the way out, he was chatting to Nick. I ran up and hugged Ethan, and behind his back I flipped Nick the bird and stuck my tongue out at him. He snarled quietly at me, I could feel Hellcat’s approval at the actions, she didn’t like Nick much either.
I winked at Gage who tried to muffle his laughter; I pulled more silly faces at him until I stepped away from a shocked Ethan and a pissed off Second.
YOU ARE READING
Comes with the Territory
HumorMica has never fit in right; she is brash, annoying, and has a tendency to get into fistfights. And win. She has always prided herself on her savy ways and street-smarts she earned by living in the rough side of New York City, but her life isn't wha...
