the ticking of the clock becomes more annoying as time passes overpowering the silance, but slowly my thoughts are struck and my eyes grew heavy as i fall asleep
-----
theres a thud and im laying silantly on the ground stairing at the blank ceeling abuve. heat rushes to my head as i hear voices, sitting up my blured vision making out a large group of people surounding me, as a object comes towards my stomach repetivily, i have no enejy to fight back, the last bit of it keeping me awake. then the voices start.
''lucy, you fat fuck, go to the gym, oh i forgot your body weight cant handle cos a earthquake would happen''
''ugly scank, no wonder you parants died, did you actually think they could live looking at that everyday''
''jai, psh as if he'd ever love you, he only lives with you cos he feels sorry for you mutt, go die you asshole, why are you still in this world anyway''
-----
a pitched screem feels the air as my head spins fast. a dream lucy. just a dream. i head out of my room only to be bumping into a guys chest.
''lucy what happened, you alright'' i look up to see jais eyes stairing back then hear a thump and luke and beau rushing towards us before i could answer.
i couldnt face anyone not yet, i needed time alone.
''fuck off'' i said rather bluntly before storming in my room and slamming the door behind me. i didnt realise the tears falling until now, almost rapidly.
(yeah i sold my house and moved in with the brooks as i practicly lived with them anyway)
i charge my way to my wardrobe, put some chinos, a jack wills top and vans on, grab my phone, headphones and purse along with my penny and make my way to the bedroom door.
feeling daring i open it. no sign? i run downstairs open the door and run down on my penny before anyone could stop me.
curently im laying on the field of the park, probably looking like a retard, enjoying the air and the heat beating down on my shoulders.its only 8 in the morning so not many people is about apart from dog walkers and runners. it makes me stop thinking about things until i get 7 missed calls from jai, 1 off luke 2 off beau and 1 off james. brilliant.
i love them, but i cant face anyone, im me no one can change that but people can change weather they like me or not, and thats what im afraid of.
3 hours have passed and its now 11, shops are open hopefully. i ride along the path, humming along to adam lambert never close our eyes as i get hopeful stares from passers by. yes im quiet different to people. i manage to bussle in and out of busy shoppers till i find the sports shop. i travel all the way to the back of the store to find em. my babies. dr martins. my old pink pair outgrew me last year and iv only just saved enough for another pair. red.. black.. desisions desisions. nope, blacks boring, bring on the colours. i grab the box and head to the counter to be introduced to a bubbly blonde cashier who gives me a broad smile as i hand her the box.
''is that it?'' i shake my head as i pass her the notes applying in my hand
''by any chance are you friends with the janoskians'' she giggles, i nod not really wanting to listen but being nice enough as she was a nice girl
''ah thats amazing, i love them boys your so lucky. and you and jai are cute'' she says and winks
''no no we are not-'' im stopped
''its a matter of time'' she says a grim produced on her face. yep as if, me, im a nobody, as if he'd fall for someone as ugly as me when he has so many pretty girls falling at his feet.
i walk to the cafe 5 minuites from our house ordered some flavoured water and sat down, my legs throbbing with a passion.
thaughts echoed through my mind, im just me, boring old me the boys and sarah are the only real friends i have ever had, they make me feel special, like i actually am something. but it has felt like its all changed because of one dream. but dreams are meant to mean something right?
a sigh escaped my lips as i stood up and walked out causing the door bell to jingle. with nothing better to do i should go home, i mean its not like their gunna be in anyway.
my penny came to a hult as i grasped my keys out my pocket and unlocked the door. darkness. better not be too loud incase they actually are in. i creeped up the stairs and into my room. i felt the need to express my feelings through a song, i relaxed my body gently strummed the strings and let my voice do the talking
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be?
Where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you?
Are you holding back
Like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going
Away
Going away
''WOW'' i turned round to see 6 shocked smiling faces. i wiped my tear stained face, my cheeks gradually growing crimson by the second. they did not just hear me sing. no.
''errr..'' i suddenly got angry, i remembered about earlier and slammed the door in their shocked faces, the bold sound of the lock ringing my earbuds as i slowly slid my way down the door, tears producing rapidly, every tear a feeling
''what the fuck'' was all i could hear as i slowly cried myself to sleep
