Mended

Good? Night.

I woke up 12am. I couldn't help it. I cryed till I had no tears left. Zoe heard me and woke up.

"Bri what are you doing up, oh, no, don't cry!"

"The dre-eeam" I was sweating. I felt as if I had a panic attack. I was shaking. I was pale and red eyed. I couldn't help myself.

"You had a dream about James?" Zoe was always good at being calm in these situations.

"Ye-yeah."

"Oh, I am sorry, do you want some water?"

"I am fine. Just st-stay here with me." I kept stuttering cause my crying. I could barely get a word in inchwise.

"Of course" She said as she handed me a tissue. I folded it in half and wiped my tears. Tears with so many words inside them. Crying showed my true feelings.

"Thanks Zoe. Thanks for bein with me tonight." My crying started to clear enough for myself to talk.

"Anytime. You know it."

"Yeah, thanks. Can you stay today, too?"

"I have to go to Virginia hospital for the day, my dad is having a surgery on his back."

"Oh my gosh."

"Yeah. It is horrible. I wont be back home till about this time."

"Why Virginia? That's almost 2 hours from here."

"There is a special back surgeon there. His doctor recommended him."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Do you feel okay now, to sleep?"

"I think so. Night."

"Night." Zoe said with a slight smile. I returned the slight smile and got under covers. My feet were freezing. I didn't feel like getting up for socks though.

*8am*

I felt someone shaking me and I got wide awake all of the sudden.

"Hey, um, I have to go now but wanted to let you sleep.. call me later when you get the chance, okay?"

"Um Okay" Actually, I was still half asleep.

"Bye, Bri. See you later."

"Okay" I said as I drifted off into another sleep full of awakening dreams, tossing and turning, and thoughts of James.

*12am*

I woke up and needed to eat. I was literally starving. I didn't feel like eating because I was so upset. I was beginning to think I was depressed. I grabbed a small pack of doughnuts and layed in bed, turning on the t.v.

I decided for another day of boring. I meant nothing anyways. I felt like a grain of sand, stepped on, floating in the wind, to the water and never found again.

I was done. I literally wanted to take my life. I have cut myself before. I wasn't emo but have done it instead of killing myself, but now, I think it's worth dying.

Deep inside, I felt crushed. Abandoned. Alone. I had one good friend. I used to have James but he is long gone now. There isn't a chance of getting back with his cheating self. Maybe Zoe was right. Maybe he is a bitch.

Maybe I was just so deep into the relationship that I didn't know how he changed for worse. I remember Zoe staying up telling me about his horrible past. But, I didn't listen. I looked at myself then. Crushed and defeated like I was stuck in a dark tunnel, not seeing an end.

I was done. I tried to find a way to kill myself nothing worked. I tried inhalants. It was all I had. It just made me high and all that shit. But I didn't die. I wondered why.

I sat for a whole hour thinking these thoughts and a whole other hour trying to make myself die.

What a Good? Night.

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Thanks SO much for reading I hope you enjoyed reading Mended today. I will try to update this story and Lost With Louis everyday.

:) Have a blessed day:) Please vote if you liked it.