" Should've Said " | KOOKU

I Should've Said

"Go Confess!" I exclaimed, annoying with the same stories he would tell me everytime we met.

    I'm so done with those cringe words he said with his sparkle eyes.

She's so beautiful when she smile like that. She looks good wearing pink. Her laugh iswonderful. The way she walks make me freeze.

My goodness, can't he stop?

     Jeon Jungkook, my childhood friend. We barely met. We can only make time once a month for a quick hang out.

    We live in different city which is geographically far from each other. We keeping our promise 16 years ago to have a meet once a month no matter what, this is only what we could do.

    We only can see each other for 3-4 hours and since 3 years ago, I feel like I wanted to stop meeting him. We no longer talk about what are our life up to, our meeting now are just about that girl name Han Sarang.

I never met her, but as Jungkook keep telling story about her, I feel like I already know her for years.

***

He no longer listen to me. For some reason, I hate that girl. She steal my best friend.

I cry my eyes out,

You think I'm being dramatic?

No, I'm not. I just being diagnosed having a heart disease. I have so little time left. But he never care about me. He never ask me, how am I doing. His life now are all about her, her and her.

At first I'm being so supportive. I always said to him,

"Tell me more, why you like her,"

I wish I didn't said that. I'm now, living my short life between their love story.

***

"Should I?" he asked.

    I startled a bit over that question. My body heated as I'm not sure am I mad, or sad. My hands shaking, but did he notice that? I raised my head upon him, and,

He's smiling to himself.

     I'm breaking inside as I'm sure he's smiling because he imagined that girl in his head.

     "Jungkook-ah," I calm myself and look at him again. "What you would do if you only have short period to live?"

His smile faded, and slowly he looks at me.

     "I'll do everything that would make me regret if I didn't do it."

     "Like what?"

     "Confessing my love," he said.

I could feel my head getting hot, and I'm sure it getting red too. I'm so mad, my eyes are teary, my lips are shaking.

     Everything went to fast, I'm now angrily grab my bag and walk out of the coffee shop with tears already fall on my cheeks.

      I can hear his voice calling out my name, I just couldn't look back.

It wasn't his fault, really. I realised this only then, after I left him so sudden. I'm sure he flustered over my act. I'm sorry, Jeon Jungkook.

***

To Miss Han Sarang.

I'm sure you don't know me, but I know you damn much.

The fact is, I don't hate you.

I hate myself. I feel so pathetic. Why did I rely on a friend? Why did I expect a friend could be there for me when I don't even have courage to tell him what happened?