He was Hot, I was Not!

"If you love something,

Let it go.

If it comes back,

It's yours.

If it doesn't,

It never was..."

"Stan, what's wrong?" Kayla asked wondering why he had stopped.

Stan looked at Kayla, at her appearance, all in disarray, and he felt ashamed by the way he had manhandled her, the way he had spoke to her. He had never in his life treated a girl like that and he was ashamed.

"Gosh," he was shocked, "if I hadn't come to my senses in time I might have raped her."

"Stan?" Kayla asked wondering what was wrong.

"Kayla, I am so sorry," Stan said running his hands through his hair agitatedly. "I have never in my life treated a female like that."

"Stan, don't," Kayla began as she felt his pain. "I know that you didn't mean half of the stuff you said."

Stan looked at her...wondering...did he mean the stuff he said. He had been angry...thinking of Kenny kissing her, sleeping with her, and he had no right to feel like that. No right except...

"I AM in love with her," it finally hit him. "If I weren't, I wouldn't give a damn. But I don't want to be in love with her, with anyone, not if it makes me act like this."

"Kayla, I was out of line, and I apologize. I had no right to ask you about Kenny, to call you those names, or to treat you the way I did. I really hope that you can forgive me and that we can still be friends."

"Friends?" Kayla asked looking disappointed, "You just want to be friends with me Stan?"

"That's all I can be Kayla. I can't seem to control myself when I'm around you. Look how I treated you-I wasn't even myself. I don't want to be like that...that isn't me," he said.

"Stan, I can't control myself around you either," Kayla said close to crying. "Sometimes I feel so ashamed the way I act when you touch me. But you have to believe me Stan, you're the ONLY guy that I've been with, I'm not a slut. You're the only one that makes me feel and act like that," she said with tears in her voice.

"I believe you, and I don't like to admit it, but I was jealous; I have never been jealous of anyone before" he said sounding surprised. "I don't like to think of you with any other guy. But I don't have the right to feel like that, it's not fair to you."

"Kenny kissed me Stan, I didn't even kiss him back," she had to make him believe her. "You don't have to feel bad Stan, you didn't hurt me, I wanted you to make love to me," she told him. "You're a good person Stan, that's why...why...I love you."

"Kayla, don't take this the wrong way," Stan told her regretfully, "but I don't think that you're experienced enough to know what love is."

Kayla gasped surprised and hurt by what he had said.

"No wait," he said seeing the look on her face "Kayla, I was your first lover...you say that I was your only lover."

"You are..." Kayla began.

"Wait, listen to me. Let me finish, this might hurt, but listen." Stan told her "It's none of my business who you sleep with or who you go out with-I was out of line acting the way I did."

"You THINK you love me Kayla, but love and sex are two different things," Stan tried to explain. "I know that there is a strong attraction between us, but that's probably all it is-an attraction. You've never been with anyone else...I think that you're confusing love with sex and that's understandable with your limited experience. Who's to say you wouldn't have the same reaction with another guy? Kenny...maybe someone else."

It kind of made sense to Kayla. How would she know if what she felt for Stan was love or just lust? Maybe he was right.

Stan saw by the look on Kayla's face that she was thinking about what he was telling her...and understanding it.

"Kayla, I think we both need to see other people." Stan continued, "In a way it's probably a good thing that we had this talk...sometimes two people might care about one another but may not be good for each other. I'm not sure that we're good for each other Kayla..."

It seemed to Kayla as if her heart cracked when she heard Stan say those words, but she knew he was right. She wasn't very experienced...maybe she did need to date other guys to see if what she felt for Stan was real

.

"You might be right Stan," she grudgingly admitted, "but I hope that we can still be friends...I wouldn't want there to be any hard feelings between us."

"Of course we're friends...more than friends," Stan said relieved that she wasn't angry. "You will always have a special place in my heart, and I will always be here for you if you need me."

"I feel the same way," Kayla said. "So where do we go from here?"

"To school?," Stan smiled.

Kayla laughed, "That's gonna be hard...remember what happened the last time we skipped, but okay," she agreed as she prepared to get back in the truck.

"Wait Kayla," Stan said putting a hand on her shoulder to halt her movement.

This was hard for Stan, although he had been honest with her...believing that her limited experience may be clouding her judgment...making her believe that she was in love with him; for him it was the real deal. He did love her, but he wanted to give her the opportunity to figure out how she really felt about him, and the only way she could do that would be to go out with other guys.

"Yes Stan?" Kayla asked looking at him.

Stan pulled her into his arms one last time and hugged her, his heart hurting for what he was about to do...even though he knew it was the right thing to do. He closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of her one last time as he kissed her on the forehead lingeringly and literally let her go as he helped her into the truck. He felt as if he had crushed his heart in the door as he slammed it shut behind her.