#ToAllTheBoysContest

P.S. I Love You

To the person who will never read it,

I remember the time we first met, it wasn't anything special. I didn't see you and instantly fall in love. You were just a boy who sat behind me in English class. 

It's crazy how quickly it happened. Suddenly I was overcome by something so foreign to me, a nervous yet amazing feeling that I just couldn't get rid of.

I've never told anyone this, but I fell for you. I fell for you so hard. I'm completely and utterly in love with the way you smile, the way your hair looks in the morning even though you complain about it looking bad. I love the color of your eyes, that have every single color mixed into the most beautiful brown.

 I love the way you completely fangirl over the newest video game, and you accidentally spoil scenes in movies because you get so excited about telling me. I loved when you spoke so proudly about the computer that you built all by yourself, even though I had no clue what you were talking about. 

I fell for you, even more, when I came to the dance all dressed up and you said that I looked "Absolutely beautiful" instead of "sexy" or "hot" and I could tell you actually meant it. The way you defended that poor girl who was getting bullied in art class. When you gave me your jacket when it was raining after I left mine at home. When you tried so hard to help the sad boy in the back of the class and welcoming him into your friend group without a second thought. 

And then I saw you with her. The girl who was absolutely gorgeous, hilarious and everything else you could possibly want. I could see the way you looked at her, like she was the only thing keeping you on this earth. I knew because that's the same way I looked at you.

Even when she was out of the picture, I still knew. I could see the way you looked at her with such a longingness as if she was some fantasy you could only hope to have. You loved her,  you never stopped and even now I still hope,  I still wait for a text back. 

But deep down I know the cold hard truth, that no matter how hard I try, I will never truly be yours. I know that if you had to choose between she and I,  you wouldn't even have to think. Because no matter how much I want you, you'd choose her. You will always choose her.

Even despite all of this, I'm still here waiting. I'm not gonna ask you to choose me instead, or to leave her for me, because I know that won't happen. All I ask is that you tell me the truth, the brutal and honest truth so I don't keep hoping I have a chance.

Please just tell me, so I can finally let you go.

Love,                                                                                                                                                                                            Lauren