The Diary Of The Weak: My Journal

#1

Erm, hello. This is just a little journal I use to tell what's happening in my life, my opinions, and my story. So here's my first blog I guess...

Hello. My name is Zoie Beth if you didn't know already, and this is my public journal. I've tried this before and it didn't work to well. Which means I failed EPICLY. And I solemly swear, I will not fail on this one! No matter how terrible it is. I guess, if you're going to be reading my personal life I never tell people, you should get to know me better. Here's some things about how I look:

I have dark brown hair that had a pink streak in it, that has faded to blonde.

I have hazel eyes that have yellow in the middle and are out lined with blue. Yeah, it's weird, but unfortunately true. ;/

I'm quite pale, but tan at the same time. Confusing for me too...?

My face is quite chubby might I say, but I've been told I have high cheekbones, yay. :D

Here are some things about my personality:

I can get quite hyper, but I am a laid back person.

I can be quite innapropriate at times, and I have no shame. ;D

I am a sweet and caring person to everyone. Well, not the people who are mean to me...

My phobia's are of needle, hospitals, elevators, and... DOLLS. *shivers* >.<

I hate crying in front of people when they hurt me because I feel as if I am weak. *sigh*

I'm extremely sensitive.

I'm like a big ball of awkward. ._.

I love food and hate that I do.

I dream of being an author someday.<3

I ADORE BABIES. SO FUCKING CUTE. AKALKLKWJDJALKJ;LD';SDKLKA;LK;AL

Oh god, was that too long? I'm so boring.

Anywhore, I'm going to give my opinion tonight and I shall enjoy it.

So, I've been thinking a lot about this past summer. It was the worst time for me. Depression. Self-harm. Isolation. I told my friend everything. To my parents divorce to now. I felt so good when I did it, and then felt sick as the thoughts ran through my head. What if she tells someone? Will she judge me? Will our friendship be ruined? Ugh, I hate it. Especially about talking about my self-harm issue. She was kind of awkward when I told her and I was literally shaking. I ended up telling her that I wouldn't ever wish that upon anyone because it was the worst experience of my life. And what she said disgusted me. Pure disgust. "I think (not going to say name) should go through that." is what she said. I wanted to break down crying on the phone. I felt so sick by what she said. No just, no. NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THE SHIT I WENT THROUGH. NO. ONE. Sorry for the virtual screaming there. It just makes my stomach turn to hear someone say that. She has no idea what I've been through and she has no right to say someone needs to go through anything like that. Okay on to the next subject...

Tonight I was tthinking about what happened when I self-harmed. What I was feeling. Thinking. I just want to explain what "cutting" is. Cutting is mentally a way of healing. It's a way to actually SEE your pain. To take your shame out on your innocent body. That's exactly what I did. And I'm going to be completely honest, I felt good. Release. I became addicted and stopped by myself, EXTREMELY hard so do not do what I did.  Self mutilation is terrible and all you are doing is piling on more pain which is the last thing you want. You're doing it to get RID of the pain not ADD it. So, never do what I did. It's terrible.

As of this moment it is 9:57 and I am sititng in a tank top, pajama shorts, bare foot, and hair into a messy pontytail. Yeah, that's just pleasant. My knee is getting better, I think. It's getting tighter and I hate it but, you know, life's a bitch. School starts next Thursday and I ordered a Nightmare Before Chritsmas backpack. YAAAY. I should've gotten the other one though. bleeeeh. I'm really tired tonight and I think I might eat some dinner and go to bed. Bye my lovely little beauts. I shall talk to you tomorrow. MUAH.