Am I enough for you? Because lately, it really doesn't feel like it.. I've been trying day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. And I still don't seem to be enough for you. All you talk about are the boys. Like I'm not even enough for you. Like I'm not enough to keep you going. Don't think that I don't know what your thinking right now. I know you're thinking that your doing something wrong and you think that your a bad fucking choice for me. But you're not. All I'm saying is you need to listen to me. Let me fucking talk. Don't fucking cover my mouth and tell me to shut up. Don't curl up and shut me out. Just fucking listen to me. You don't even have to do anything but sit there and listen. But you don't. You take as like I'm mad at you. I'm not. That's just the way I talk. It's hard for me to confess my feelings and put them into verbal words so it comes out as yelling. I don't mean to. And now, your thinking that I'm just making up excuses when I'm not. You think I'm just trying to get attention, when I'm not. You just don't listen when I talk. I want to keep us going. I don't want us to shut down and stop. I want us to get married and have a house together. But do you know how hard it is to keep my hopes up that it'll actually happen when all you do is care about you? I get it you're not that good with words either but believe me when I say I'm worse. I say things that come out wrong that sound right in my head then you take offense for it. When I'm not even trying to offend you. I'm just trying to tell you. Today I asked you if o could be in little mode. Since I basically gave it up so you could have yours so that you could stay happy and smiling. You said you didn't care. I can't just automatically go into it, you have to switch me into it. You said you didn't know how, so I had to do it myself. Okay, whatever. So I did. But his really got me. It got me good in the worst way. We were watching a video and I wanted cuddles. You said you were watching the video so you couldn't. BULL SHIT. We cuddle all the damn time while watching something. All you had to do was drape your arm over me and pull me close. It takes no damn effort to do that! I then asked you to pet me so that I felt wanted and loved. All you did was say no I'm watching this. All I want is to feel loved and wanted. I cuddle you and pet you all the damn time! I put my feelings and wants and needs aside for yours! And what do you do? You ignore me when I need or want something or I have fucking feelings. Lately I've been feeling rather lonely, fat, disgusting, and ugly. I feel like no one wants or loves me because I look like I just got ran over by a steam roller, filled to the brim with cotton, and thrown in a dump filled with hatred and filth. It doesn't even seem like you want me anymore. I'm always sad and depressed. You force me to eat when you don't even eat. That is some grade A bullshit! Is it too much to ask to be loved?!
