The Journey That Is Life; A Teenage Perspective

Chapter 29- Now I Know

  I'm not sure if this could be the worst week of my life, or the most relieving. I sit here in the waiting room of the hospital and my mom sitting next to me, we were both pretty stressed out to see what kind of exams I have to go through. There are five options I know of at the moment, an MRI where a machine with a strong magnet linked to a computer is used to make pictures of areas inside my little head, a simple anagram where some dye is injected into the bloodstream that makes blood vessels in the brain show up on an x-ray. If I do have a tumour, the x-ray may show the tumour or blood vessels that are feeding into the tumour. (Joy), a CT scan where an x-ray machine linked to a fancy ass computer takes a series of detailed pictures of my head. From there the doctors would ask for more tests like a biopsy, where they take some sort of tissue and test it for cancer.

     Even the thought of something taken out of my head sent shivers down my spine, the human head wasn't built for holes to be drilled in the skull for things to be taken out. But I guess if I have to, I have to. After what seemed like forever of waiting, we were eventually called into a personal hospital room, I sat down on the bed, acting as normal as possible, another Neurological exam to see how I was doing, I was explained to once again what kind of diagnoses treatment I'd have to endure.  A lot of notes were taken, and I was also told what would happen to me if I do have to go through treatment to be cured. I will end up bald even if I don't go through chemotherapy; my head has to be shaved in order to perform a craniotomy. 

     My heart was beating more than it should be I was nervous and scared. I was always a healthy child; I didn't have to endure anything like this ever before. I stayed the night again, but I was more comfortable this time, as I was warmer and curtains blocked the view out my window. I slept easily that night, no night terrors and no sudden wake up calls.  In the early hours I was woken up unintentionally by people coming into the room trying to be as quiet as possible, they saw me awake and they started talking.

     "Matilda, I know this is a very scary experience for you, it is for everyone, but we do have to perform a diagnoses on you, but the next CT scan we can fit you into is in a 13 days, and we do have to start chemotherapy on you." The nurse said slowly so I can understand easily, she started listing side effects of chemotherapy to me, but the only ones that really stuck in my head were hair loss and changes that may occur in my 'sexual reproductive areas'. That’s too bad, I’ve always had issues growing my hair, and I did want a kid some day. I zoned out and forgot about the rest of the side affects, as I already had most of them. I couldn't focus on much at the moment... I just wanted to fall asleep and not wake up again.

 I closed my eyes; I didn’t believe this was reality, what did I ever do to the world that was so bad that I got to be put through this? Last night I told Oliver about what I was going through, and he did seem generally worried about me. Did I have to go to school while I was balding? That’s going to be fun attempting to explain myself to everyone who stares at me that I wasn't trying to be a transsexual.